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feeling alive

It has been almost a year and half of ignoring the blog. It has been a period of a turbulence at work and life, a period of big changes. It disrupted all the rhythms and habits, left me just riding the change. Now just about trying to put things back together once again. This may not be the best of the topics to restart a blog, a bit dark maybe. It is not intentional, but something curious that I picked up over last few days and was mulling over. I am now sort of looking for movies or shows that are not sad, no propaganda, not period pieces with their version of history. This process of elimination eventually leads me to murder mysteries or crime thrillers. I read somewhere that we watch such to relieve tension somehow, in some twisted way. Now, two such that I watched, which are not related in any way, but had a similar theme – that we sometimes put ourselves in harm’s way, not to die, but to feel alive. That self-destruction is coded into us at the cell level and this instinct makes ...
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aspen, blinding light

I took a day off today, just to avoid leaves expiring by month end. It was a relaxing day and had two instances of curious connections. I did the New York Times Mini Crossword in the morning. There was a clue “Tree with white bark” and the other letters started to form a word, but I doubted whether it was actually a tree. I knew of “Aspen, Colorado” as a city in the US, but it is just the familiarity of having read or heard about it. Like a friend said one time that their young daughter was familiar with US city names by having read about them in the books. Soft power of the US that kids, even in small towns in Kerala, know their cities even though they never saw it. I looked up Aspen, to see some images of this tree.  Later in the morning, I caught up with the “Poem of the day” feed. It had 28 unread poems. I came across this poem, “I sit by the window”, by Joseph Brodsky and these lines I sit by the window. Outside, an aspen. When I loved, I loved deeply. It wasn’t often.  T...
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goldenrod

I had attempted a word puzzle (Strands) last night before sleeping. Clue was “Sun Shade” and first word at random that I got was Lemon. I thought it might be beach accessories or some such, but none fit. Slept on it and in the morning, it was somehow clear to me that the answer was Yellow without even looking at the puzzle. As I was finishing it, one more word wasn’t fitting – Gold, Golden didn’t work. Finally figured it was Goldenrod. I hadn’t heard of it before – looked it up and it was a yellow flower that covers a stem, maybe a rod like look. I had seen one such in US, that we used in place of Konna Poovu (Golden shower, Cassia Fistula) for Vishu Kani (needed a yellow flower to stand in for beautiful konna, to see as first thing as one open our eyes on the day of Vishu). Wondered if Goldenrod is the same. Later in the morning, came across an article with interesting subtext “My time is my own even when I don’t spend it particularly well.”. It was written by someone with terminal ...
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Podcasts - 2024

In 2024, I tried in small ways to “quantify my life”. Logging activities with Strava, books using Goodreads, songs in Spotify, good articles read manually. Not fully successful. Hope to make an app for myself someday to make it easier and instant, along with some notes or learnings. One such was podcasts. After experimenting Google Podcasts and Spotify, I am using AntennaPod app since last couple of years since it had playing history and it has only podcasts with no other distraction. I have subscribed to a few, scan the new episodes once in a while, add some to the queue and listen to it during commute, daily walk or house chores. I listen at 1.5x speed which is now comfortable speed for all accents. I recently discovered that Youtube videos can be converted to podcasts. NotebookLLM from Google seem to be exploding now that can convert anything (articles, research papers etc) to podcasts. I lost some of my listening history in August when my phone crashed. Apart from that listened...
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Articles read - 2024

I had been cataloguing long articles that I read. Below were some of the best that I read in 2024. The Magic Loop - A framework for rapid career growth – doing your current job well, asking what you can do to help further The end of 0% interest rates: what it means for tech startups and the industry – there was a low interest rate period where lot of hiring and spending happened and interest rate hikes changing spending behavior and team compositions The Pyramid Principle – came across this in different forms this year. How to answer a question – direct answer, summarize the arguments, detail if necessary. Not the other way around. How will you measure your life? – to re-read once in a while. To value family, relationships and community. “It’s easier to hold to your principles 100% of the time than it is to hold to them 98% of the time.“ The brand called you – again a classic to re-read. How to stand out. Power laws in culture – few mega hits, and very very long tail. It is all a...
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Books read - 2024

I read 16 books in 2024, against a target of 30 which I hadn’t met for the last three years. I wanted to read 50-50 fiction and nonfiction, but couldn’t meet that too. I am also trying to diversify away from books written by American or British authors, partially successful in that – with some Japanese, Irish, Canadian, Malayalam and a Chilean author this time. Hoping to do better in 2025. What you are looking for is in the library – Michiko Aoyama (5 / 5) : Japanese translation. A story of bibliotherapy, told well. Language was a bit bland, not sure if it is due to translation. But stories of right books giving answers to people for their difficult situations felt good. Whether it is to get out of a rat race, having parallel careers (a passion project and something that sustains life) etc. Before the coffee gets cold – Toshikazu Kawaguchi (5 / 5) : Japanese translation. Enjoyed this read. Was in my list for long, but knowing the plot, hesitated to pick up. But it turned out to be a go...
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the way music used to make me feel

I came across this tweet a few days back, which is like one of those we say “Yes!” to, someone had put into words something we are also feeling. I was thinking about this line yesterday as well. We lose a lot as we get older, a bunch of habits and moods and proclivities, but the one thing I truly mourn is the way music used to make me feel. https://x.com/_sairamkrishnan/status/1822639043206598836 I was looking for something to listen to in the morning and nothing fit the mood. Spotify showed a new recommended list as “for the baddies”, don’t know what it meant, but the music felt nonsensical. Daylist didn’t excite, Discover Weekly the same. After some time, the line “Uth meri jaan” somehow came to mind, not sure how as I hadn’t listened to this song for years. I was trying to deconstruct the reason why this came up now. I suspect if it was triggered by the radio ad I heard yesterday about Sonu Nigam coming to Kerala for a concert. I used to listen to songs from the movie Tamanna non st...
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