random ramblings

"Perceptions rule the world."

There needs to be more words to describe some feelings. Like some random forwards about a single German word or Japanese word describing a feeling that can only be expressed in a sentence in English and still be incomplete. Like what do you call that feeling that comes every time I see the sky darkening, silence descending, with occasional cries of a bird, a cold breeze, announcing impending rain?   It used to be one distinct feeling, but now with aftermath of what happened in Kerala, I am not sure if it will remain the same. When it just sprinkled the other day, my wife was commenting that now every time there is a mention of rain, it will remind of Ms Rita’s front room that leaks.   Or the feeling of tightening in the chest of not being able to do anything, not feeling like doing anything, feeling like nothing is worth doing and all is in vain? That cloak of doom should be shaken with a coffee, sharing the wordly worries and have a good laugh with a friend. Or...

What is good to read or hear or watch just before going to bed? I think just right at night is bittersweet. In the morning, need something that can warm the bones and the blood, get the mind hopeful and body ready to run the race of the day. At the end of the day, when one more day has passed away, what is needed is not too happy and not too sad. To cool down the racing mind and to put one to sleep. If I find what is just right, I should put that on endless repeat until I am ready.

They said her house is In the small alley next to the ex-Minister’s bungalow. They said It is a big house and the yard will be clean since she would have plucked out all the weeds. She stays alone, she is strong willed even though her memory started fading. So if we go in such late evening hour, she may not even open the gate and even if she opens the gate she may not recognize. But we thought we will still try. She had taught my wife moral science for one year, she teaches History normally. Their batch recently collected some money for her. On our way my wife was thinking what to give her, whether there was an envelope. She does everything properly – I wouldn’t have thought of such things. Finally she found some envelopes in her 10 kg handbag that she carries everywhere. It has everything that is needed in any kind of emergencies – from torchlight to stapler. The envelopes were already labeled “Onamshasakal”, which she had written up to give small gifts to anyone who gives any sort...

Listened to the full speech by Charlie Munger ( text ). I think there are cheat sheets of cognitive biases that I need to add into my mental model and thinking system. Munger talks about psychological biases which we need to be aware of in our own behavior and also would be good to know in dealing with others – if we use these to engineer common good (not to manipulate for evil purposes). Power of incentives – using incentives to drive behavior. But I guess carrot / stick might work only to certain extent (learning from “Drive”). Examples - FedEx starting night shift allowance which allowed them to get people for night shifts. Reinforcement. Simple psychological denial - "The reality is too painful to bear, so you just distort it until it's bearable." A mom refusing to believe her son is dead. “Bias from consistency and commitment tendency , including the tendency to avoid or promptly resolve cognitive dissonance. Includ...

I was thinking about someone who is the only deliverer of bad news in a team and a leader who doesn’t want to hear bad news. Chanced upon below quote from the speech – “Psychology of Human Misjudgment” by Charlie Munger ( audio ).     Now you've got Persian messenger syndrome. The Persians really did kill the messenger who brought the bad news. You think that is dead? I mean you should've seen Bill Paley in his last 20 years. He didn't hear one damn thing he didn't want to hear. People knew that it was bad for the messenger to bring Bill Paley things he didn't want to hear. Well that means that the leader gets in a cocoon of unreality, and this is a great big enterprise, and boy, did he make some dumb decisions in the last 20 years. And now the Persian messenger syndrome is alive and well. I am hearing the drumbeat about Charlie Munger in every Farnam Street podcast – one after other, everyone interviewed in that podcast seems to be a Charlie Munger ...

These are some topics I need to read up and research further. How to work with irrational people more effectively and get things done? What to use when logic fails? Sometimes we prepare perfectly logical arguments which we think should be understood and accepted by people and we will get the logical outcome, but it doesn’t happen that way. Egos, prejudices and biases creep in and it goes haywire. After one or two steps, logical outcomes may become impossible to achieve. What makes some people more thoughtful, disciplined and achieve consistent outcomes? I see people with years of experience produce sloppy outcomes in some cases and execute some things well? What drives perfection? Is it possible to change? What makes people lean to left or right of political spectrum? Is it nature or nurture? Is it their brains or upbringing? What is the limit of nurture? Inherent talent and intelligence vs acquired expertise – is th...

I read somewhere that believing in any ideology too deeply to the extent of being dogmatic about it is going to be a problem. Whether it is capitalism, socialism, religions, political parties, organizations etc. I guess we need to have clarity on our principles and values that are immutable – like honesty, integrity, equality, humility. We probably should not take a centrist view on everything just to be politically correct and taking apparent merits of both sides of every argument. We can lean to one side based on our values, but needs to keep the eyes and ears open to what the other side is saying. I say all this due to the increasing political divide in my community. I see my childhood friends, people who I played , studied or worked with, moving to extreme opposite sides of the political spectrum. Every argument they make is tinged with their ideology which is obvious to a third party, but they will never agree that they are prejudiced in any way. Their arguments are reinfor...

I attended a marriage ceremony today, a simple function that I enjoyed attending after a long time – usually our kind of marriages (in Kerala) are just show pieces that are meaningless (or today I made up some meaning from it). For example, I watched the groom take blessings from an elder in the family. His father had made it a point to break off the groom from the procession which was taking him to the mandap, take blessing from this person and proceed. I thought he genuinely touched the person’s feet, asked for blessings and received it. It was someone with a head full of clean white hair, who knew him probably as an just born infant to a man that is standing before him, entering a new life. For some reason, hairs on my arm stood up. I was thinking if people realize that such moments, of taking or giving the blessings before you start a huge leap in your life, tying the knot, are once in a lifetime which makes it big moments. How do we get them imprinted in our memories – bein...

Someone asks a simple question. We think twice/thrice about the answer and give an answer that not just addresses the direct question, but also the implicit imagined questions and potential followup questions. I think it is in Gregory Bateson’s “Steps to an Ecology of Mind” that I read that someone’s seemingly harmless statement about something is evaluated by us what does that indicate for his relationship to me. Sometimes we answer with something that the other person will also know that it was an answer for some other question which was not explicitly asked, but we both don’t acknowledge that such a upspoken question was hanging in the air.  I guess it happens even more in email/chat where we analyze the questions and responses more, than talking. I also think with total strangers such analysis doesn’t happen and also there is no need to do that with people that we love – in first case we don’t care enough and in last case we both have a firm understanding of the relation...

Blind – an anonymous corporate social network. I think the biggest use of this will be to give true feedback to people. Such platforms have huge downside as well – but it is the kind of downside if we hear others thoughts without filters. I think most of the wastage in large corporates is due to people not being able to communicate their challenges freely with each other. Much effort and time goes in maneuvering such a tangle and get something done. There are people who will never ever know what is wrong with them because no one can tell them directly what is wrong with them. “Give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth”. It is true also that even when we know the truth about ourselves, we may rationalize and continue the same way. But still, by any chance, if people use such feedback to get better, it will be a huge improvement – individually and for corporations to get things done. Why software development requires servant leaders – I was alone for lunch today and had c...

When exactly did it become so big? A disaster happening step by step, we are in the picture and being aware of it slowly. When we are in an accident, time is supposed to slow down and we see everything happening but go with it since nothing else can be done. Kerala is seeing the biggest natural disaster so far in my lifetime. I see it happening, but when did I feel the pinch? I still may not have felt its full impact. But I see the people whose loved ones are stuck somewhere in the unknown, trying desperately to reach them, their panic in not knowing where they are and how they are doing and helplessness in not being able to do anything. I heard people watched the disaster unfold in the TV one day and next day flood water is on their door step. It rises inch by inch. Concern in people’s voices, their genuine effort, eagerness to help in anyway possible – all this restores the faith in humanity. Even while there are some who still find ways to further their agenda and mischief in...

Take any topic that seems interesting, obsess about it, build up the maze in the mind and keep going through layers and layers inside. The simulation in the mind starts to deviate from reality, either to the excited level or to the depression state. Preset rules are broken by emotion and impulse. How will it be brought back to equilibrium? Rude shocks of reality can bring it back, but then it might have caused some damage. Well meaning warning by someone close can point out the aberration, unless offense is taken where there is none meant. Self talk can do the trick, but such a strong mind which keeps it in check might not have allowed it to deviate in the first place. Blessed are those who either don’t move too far off the normal state either because they don’t burden themselves with too much thinking or those who sees the world clearly and have made their peace with it in all aspects.

Long time back, one of my team mates would say as a reason of coming late most mornings that he couldn’t muster the energy in the morning, had to warm up and crank the engine. I had joked with him to drink less the previous night, as a solution, nothing else is needed to charge him up every morning. But today was one of those days for me. I don’t laze around in the morning, I get into the rhythm and go through the motions, so won’t be sloppy, but some days are like that. I searched around to see what I can read which will put me in the mood and give me a little push – of self reflection, new ideas and get the creative juices flowing a bit. Didn’t find much, gave up and started from home for office. I had seen a photo of Amelia Boone with her 70 year old dad liked by someone in my twitter feed and remembered that I had downloaded her interview in Farnam street podcast . I put that on and started driving to office. It totally lifted my spirits, I was stopping multiple times on my way ...

Few recent reads:- Real Word vs Book Knowledge : Morgan Housel is someone I started following recently. Listened to his interview in Farnam Street podcast as well. This article was very apt for a debate that I was having with a colleague. We started a library within our team. Few folks pooled in money and we bought around 25 books which are some of the best in the areas where we all should be picking up skills, that will be useful in our work. In that context, argument was about bookish knowledge vs someone surprising us with their practical wisdom. I have no doubt there will be people who haven’t read widely, but will have brilliant insights. But it cannot be a “Vs”, not a “either / or” qn. One without the other will be incomplete. Also people use the excuse that they have real world knowledge to justify why they don’t read. In general, I think reading is on a decline (atleast among my acquaintances) and it could be one of the reasons for the rising social ills. What is L...

“നൂറു സിംഹാസനങ്ങള്‍”ക്ക് ശേഷം ജയമോഹന്‍റെ “ആനഡോക്ടര്‍” വായിച്ചു. പല വരികളും, ഉപമകളും, മനുഷ്യന്‍റെ വികാരങ്ങളെ കൃത്യമായി വരച്ചു വച്ചിരിക്കുന്നത് പോലെ ഉണ്ട്. Yuval Harari യുടെ Sapiens അടുത്തിടെ വായിച്ചു. ഇത് വരെ ഞാന്‍ കാര്യമായി ആലോചിച്ചിട്ടില്ലാത്ത പല ചോദ്യങ്ങളും ആ പുസ്തകം ഉന്നയിച്ചിരുന്നു. മനുഷ്യന്‍ പല മാറ്റങ്ങളിലൂടെ ഇവിടെ വരെ എത്തിയെങ്കിലും, നമ്മള്‍ ഈ ഭൂമിയിലെ രാജാക്കന്മാരായി സ്വയം അവരോധിക്കുകയും, നമ്മളെ പോലെ അല്ലാത്ത എല്ലാ മൃഗങ്ങളെയും കൊന്നു തള്ളിയും ഇനി എത്ര കാലം . ജീവിതം കൂടുതല്‍ അനായാസവും, കൂടുതല്‍ കാലം ജീവിക്കാനും പറ്റുന്നുണ്ടെങ്കിലും, കാട്ടില്‍ പണ്ടു വേട്ടയാടിയും മറ്റും മറ്റു മൃഗങ്ങളെ പോലെ ജീവിചിരുന്നപ്പോഴെക്കാളും സന്തോഷവും സമാധാനവും പോലും ഇപ്പോള്‍ മനുഷ്യര്‍ അനുഭവിക്കുന്നുണ്ടോ എന്നും. ഇതും അങ്ങനെ ഒരു പുനര്‍ചിന്ത ഉണ്ടാക്കുന്നുണ്ട്. കുറച്ചു കൂടെ അടിസ്ഥാന വികാര വിചാരങ്ങളിലേക്കും പോകേണ്ടതുണ്ട്. ഇപ്പോഴത്തെ സങ്കീര്‍ണമെന്നു തോന്നുന്ന പ്രശ്നങ്ങളും ആവശ്യങ്ങളും വെറും മിഥ്യാധാരണകള്‍ ആകാം. മനുഷ്യന്‍ ഒരു hunter gatherer animal ആയിരുന്നെന്നും, അന്ന് കാടിനെ കുറിച്ചും, മരങ്ങള്‍, പക്ഷി ...

Came across Kalki Koechlin's new podcast My Indian Life .  I had watched only two of her movies so far. First one was Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. I thought she was slightly odd - uncommon face, a unique way in which speaks. One of her interviews in The Hindu caught my attention, how thoughtful and articulate she was. Over time, watched her short films ( The Thought Of You , Naked ,   The Job ), prose poetry performances ( Noise , Printing Machine , Dear Men ) and her movie “Waiting” recently. She is a creative force, refreshing, uncommon one. The risks that she is taking, using her creativity and art to speak up for social ills. I wonder if I was anywhere as mature at her age. I hope she goes a long way and goes on to do more brilliant work. So far the two episodes of the podcast were good – first one with a male belly dancer (Eshan) and second one about an actor (Mallika) using her body and standing stark naked to challenge our thought processes and gender biases. In the...

Zero philosophizing Zero self promotion Zero pampering and pandering Zero boasting Zero drama Zero lying Zero complaining Zero blame Zero playing victim Zero wasting time Zero exaggeration Zero preaching Zero impulsive reactions Zero talking about others Zero procrastination Zero social media Zero sensationalizing Zero expectations Zero criticism Zero worry about things that can't be changed Zero wallowing in despair

I read this speech , Solitude and Leadership, few days back. Got reminded of below excerpt from “Heart of Darkness” while thinking about middle managers in bureaucracies. He was commonplace in complexion, in features, in manners, and in voice. He was of middle size and of ordinary build. His eyes, of the usual blue, were perhaps remarkably cold. . . . Otherwise there was only an indefinable, faint expression of his lips, something stealthy—a smile—not a smile—I remember it, but I can’t explain. . . . He was a common trader, from his youth up employed in these parts—nothing more. He was obeyed, yet he inspired neither love nor fear, nor even respect. He inspired uneasiness. That was it! Uneasiness. Not a definite mistrust—just uneasiness—nothing more. You have no idea how effective such a . . . a . . . faculty can be. He had no genius for organizing, for initiative, or for order even. . . . He had no learning, and no intelligence. His position had come to him—why? . . . He origin...

Read this poem yesterday. Also had this article about loneliness recently. We will almost certainly never meet the people best qualified to understand us, but they do exist. Probably they once walked past us in the street, though neither of us had the slightest idea of the potential for connection. Or maybe they died in Sydney two weeks ago or won’t be born until the 22nd century. It isn’t a conspiracy. We would just have needed a lot more luck. In conversations with strangers, I normally stick to the basics. Not giving anything away. Both people trying to size each other up, not really interested most of the time, transactional. For me it sometimes takes years to have a personal conversation with some unless the other person opens up first. Once we start breaking the barriers itself, the weirdness of both start to show. For some, the weirdness is apparent from initial conversation itself and we avoid each other unless it is warranted, in which case we tolerate to get the ...

It was a strange day. A whiff of a strike and the city shuts down. It forces me to ask for help, it feels nice to get it. Started the day with a nice dosa and lemon tea. Ending the day with kappa and mulaku. Started the day in bright spirit. Started the day reading a nice short poem forwarded by a friend. Déjà vu again having read something similar earlier in prose and wondering about it. In between, saw a rainbow after a long time. Walked in the rain a little bit. Laughed with friends. Helped some people prepare for a tough battle, thankless job. Tried solving unsolvable problems. Listened to endless problems that are turning my hair grey. Ending the day in a massive headache.

When someone praises me, it puts me into a program error kind of situation – output freezes sometimes, I try to make my face expressionless, skip it as if I didn’t hear it and talk about something else, mumble something etc. It is not humility, it is about lack of emotional intelligence to acknowledge the praise. I should just thank even if it I don’t think it is earned and move on. Sometimes I think it is imposter syndrome playing a part where I don’t think deep down I deserve the praise, sometimes it is truly not deserved and people just say things to make you happy, but sometimes there maybe some truth to it. It all came back to me today when someone did the same thing. I thought the person thoroughly deserved it, but pulled all the tricks in the book to avoid acknowledging the good thing. She ignored, downplayed, felt bad about others who deserved more, felt bad about her team who didn’t get what they deserved, in fact even said it is somehow going to cause her harm and said...

When someone says something and you are able to reply without thinking, worrying about your words, about what they might think, worrying about what you said afterwards, you maybe beginning to make a friend. When you find something beautiful in the world and you want to share with someone, that friendship maybe growing. And when your heart is heavy and you are ready to share to get some solace without worrying about it burdening someone else, that friendship may be strong to withstand it. When you describe someone and goes on and on about them and finally realize how much you love them, then the friendship is deep.

I watched Rajeev Ravi’s movie “Njan Steve Lopez”. Liked it, but less than Kammattipadam and Annayum Rasoolum. All his Malayalam movies (and the ones he did cinematography for in Hindi – likes of Gangs of Wasseypur) seem to be centered around gangs and people in them. While it addresses loss of innocence, humanity of the killers, circumstances that lead to them, why are the talented story tellers focusing on violent lives as their medium? Likes of Martin Scorsese, Quentin Tarantino etc. I have had my fill of action, violence and gore. I needed a uplifting story today – not another tragedy. I heard one director comment that reality is boring, too long and too slow, if we show the reality of everyday life, no one would watch it. We need to escape reality and hence the cinematic/dramatic leap of faiths that take us away from the world outside. Maybe that is true. I need something positive now – a good story, one that reassures the hope, believable, not too dramatic or unreal, ab...

Aaye Tum Yaad Mujhe, Gaane Lagi Har Dhadkan Khushboo Layi Pawan, Mehka Chandan One of my favorites (the favorite Hindi song maybe). What it reminds me is a rainy day in Mangalore. Finished the daily call from a telephone booth. The rain falling down gets silhouetted in yellow light from the streetlights. There is a spring in my step, heartbeats are singing.. Golden days. Pal Pal Dil ke Paas, Tum Rehti Ho Jeevan Meethi Pyaas, Ye Kehto Ho I wanted to record it in an old cassette, by mistake overwrote the original cassette, borrowed one from a friend, instead of the blank one. Searched in all the music shops and couldn’t find the same one. I didn’t want to say I made a mistake. Found another tape with this song, bought it and recorded the song back into the first cassette. I have the image of PaiCo music shop where I found the copy when I hear this song. Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Mein, Khayaal Aata Hai Ki Jaise Tujhko Banaya Gaya Hai Mere Liye Riding in a tourist...

രാത്രി 10:30 മണിക്ക്, ദിവസത്തെ എല്ലാ യുദ്ധങ്ങളും കഴിഞ്ഞ്, അവസാന തുള്ളി വരെ ഊറ്റി എടുത്ത കരിമ്പിന്‍തണ്ട് പോലെ വീട്ടില്‍ വന്നു കയറി. സോക്ക്സ് ഊരി ഇടുന്നതിനു മുന്നെ തന്നെ പിടിച്ചു. “വാ, വാ, പറയട്ടെ” എന്തിനോ കാത്തിരിക്കുവാരുന്നു. “ഇനി എന്തുവാ?” “ഇന്ന്, ഇംഗ്ലീഷ് ടീച്ചര്‍ എന്നെ 8th ഇന്റെ ക്ലാസ്സിലേക്ക് വിളിച്ചു കൊണ്ട് പോയി. ഇന്നലെ പറഞ്ഞ ഇംഗ്ലീഷ് സ്പീച്ച് ഒന്നൂടെ പറയാന്‍ പറഞ്ഞു. ഞാന്‍ ടീച്ചറിനോട് ഒന്നൂടെ നോക്കിയിട്ട് പറഞ്ഞോട്ടേ എന്ന് ചോദിച്ചു. എന്റെ ക്ലാസ്സില്‍ പോയി, ഒന്ന് പറഞ്ഞു നോക്കിയിട്ട്, 8th ഇല്‍ തിരിച്ചു പോയി. ടീച്ചര്‍ ലാസ്റ്റ് ബെഞ്ചില്‍ പേപ്പര്‍ നോക്കുന്ന പോലെ ഇരുന്നു. ഇതാരാണെന്ന് അറിയാമോ എന്ന് ടീച്ചര്‍ ചോദിച്ചപ്പോ, കുറെ പേര്‍ പറഞ്ഞു, “ഗായത്രി, 6th സ്റ്റാന്‍ഡേര്‍ഡ്, റൂബി ഹൌസ്”. ഞാന്‍ സ്പീച് പറഞ്ഞുകഴിഞ്ഞപ്പൊ ടീച്ചര്‍ പറഞ്ഞു, “ഇത് 6th സ്റ്റാന്‍ഡേര്‍ഡ്ഇലെ കുട്ടിയാ, ഇങ്ങനെ വേണം സ്പീച് പറയാന്‍”” “എങ്ങനെ, എങ്ങനെ?” “ഇത് 6th സ്റ്റാന്‍ഡേര്‍ഡ്ഇലെ കുട്ടിയാ, ഇങ്ങനെ വേണം സ്പീച് പറയാന്‍ എന്ന്” “പിന്നെ, പിന്നെ. ഇങ്ങനെ പൊങ്ങി പോയാല്‍ നിന്റെ തല പോയി റൂഫില്‍ തട്ടും. കൂടുന്നുണ...