random ramblings

This year I learned some. Read few good books. Watched some good movies. Discovered good music and made some new favorites. Listened to new podcasts. Wrote a bit. Did yoga for 6 months. Fought some, lost some and won a few battles. Made some mistakes. Felt host of emotions. Scored a winning goal. Made wine. Cooked some new “dishes” Traveled to few countries Made few friends Here's to a new year!

So many possibilities exist for all of us. At any given moment. To make another choice, to take a different path, to make a difference to our lives and to others. Inertia, customs, duties, responsibilities, society – all words to tie us down. Wish we can simplify every thought, action and interaction. No pretenses and be original, bare, raw human. Find bliss in that. Say what we know and what we don’t know. Express our feelings without needing to explain why we are feeling that way or feeling guilty of that feeling. Wish we can accept people for who they are, see the good in them and amplify that. Simple powers to subtly lead someone to be a better version of themselves. Wish we can show people endless possibilities in front of them. Lives which will be lived in eternal monotony can be nudged ever so gently to fulfillment. Find the larger purpose and meaning of our lives and others. -- After reading Totochan. Teaching is such a holy profession, so undervalued at...

What makes people absolutely hate someone? What actions we do permanently affects trajectory of someone else's life and be the reason for everything else they do or don't do for rest of their lives? Should we have that kind of influence on someone or should we allow to have someone occupy our thoughts and actions so deeply? Why can't we forget and forgive - it is so liberating, even then? Is being kind even with people who wronged us weak? What actions are unpardonable - even from a victim and even when it is justifiable? Why don't we speak about our emotions, reason it out with another person, even when we are not sure of it and try to discover why we feel what we feel and get out of mental knots that prevent us from being free? Every person has a story, untold to anyone else in the world and unknowable to the world. Some stories we live with and take to our graves. It cannot be told to the loved ones to avoid hurting them, postponed for the right time which maybe for...

There is something called radical honesty - being truthful in every situation. But can truth have various versions? How do we know if what we know as truth is the only version of it? Should we constantly doubt our own versions of the truth and modify it? How can we not become delusional, pedantic or radical by believing only our version of the truth and stop being open to accept other versions or variations? Should there be balance in saying the truth? Should we be silent sometimes when the truth can hurt someone? Is white lies ok to avoid hurting someone? How do we know if we are not slipping down our moral thresholds if we push the limit of not telling the truth, too far? Doesn't truth change over time - with expansion of the view point, more data being available? A sudden emergency, a catastrophe suddenly brings clarity to us that some truths should have been said early, somethings shouldn't have been ignored. But at the same time, when should truth telling be sweetened to ...

- Never talk about it with anyone. In groups talk about only serious subjects like economics, politics and sports. Condition oneself. - Set expectations and live up to it - calm under any circumstances, always be "rational". Act as if you know everything and have any situation under control. - Anger and Pride are allowed since it matches with the expectations. - Any signs of breach of these, fight back / avoid / ignore so that the moment passes and one can forget about it and move on. - What is past is past, never analyze too much, think too much or talk too much. - Talk about objects, not subjects. Don't get into details, keep it short. 

I watched Before Midnight . While this is watchable on its own before going through its prequels ( Before Sunrise , Before Sunset ), now I want to go back and watch the other two once more. This has fast paced dialogues, lot to think about. One particular part is below. Jesse : So this is how you now want to be spending this evening? I mean, this is what you wanna do tonight? Céline : Well, you started it. Jesse : No. You are the one who will not shut up about it. But if you want to talk about it, I mean, really talk about it. I would prefer to have an unemotional, rational conversation. I mean, do you think we can do that? Would that be possible? Céline : Here we go. Unemotional, rational. You always play the part of the one and only rational one and I'm the irrational, hysterical, hormone-crazy one because I have emotions. Yeah, you sit back and you speak from your big perspective which means everything you say is level-headed and true. Jesse : I don't always d...

14 ways to change thinking Exercise – exercise releases endorphins and dopamine and it makes you feel good. When you feel good, you can think better. Put your brain in debugging mode (@naval) – “catch and debug your thoughts as it streams by, catch it when it goes into past regretting or future planning, make it stay in the present” Read unconventionally – multi disciplinary thinking can give us more ideas, like something that works well in medicine can be applied in software engineering etc. Read widely. Follow people who read widely – to get filtered new good reads – like @farnamstreet, @naval, @brainpicker, @morganhousel, @paulg and more Listen to podcasts – for new ideas, for listening to people from different domains - @timferrissShow, @farnamstreet, @Radiolab and more Quit harmful social media – pull the plug and quit facebook, whatsapp groups, occasionally unfollow everyone in twitter and start from scr...

“പെണ്ണുങ്ങള്‍ മള്‍ട്ടിടാസ്കിങ്ങില്‍ മിടുക്കരാണെന്നാ വയ്പ്.” “ആരു പറഞ്ഞു?” “റിസര്‍ച്ച് ഉണ്ട്.” “എന്നാല്‍ ഞാന്‍ പെണ്ണല്ല. എനിക്ക് മള്‍ട്ടിടാസ്കിംഗ് പറ്റില്ല.” അപ്പുറത്തു നിന്ന് കമന്റ്‌ “അമ്മ ആണാണെന്നാണോ പറയുന്നത്?” “അതെന്തായാലും ആവണ്ട” .. “അതിരിക്കട്ടേ.. ആണുങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് വീട്ടുകാര്യത്തില്‍ അല്‍പ്പം കൂടെ ശ്രദ്ധ വേണമെന്ന് റിസര്‍ച്ച് ഉണ്ടോ? കണ്ടു കാണില്ല. ആവശ്യമുള്ളത് മാത്രമല്ലേ കാണൂ.” ദി ഏന്‍ഡ്.                

"we suffer more in our imagination than reality." So much chatter goes on in our head. We talk to ourselves more than with any other person in our lifetime. So little of will be known to anyone else, we cannot bear the consequences of letting other people know. So we reason with us, the good part of us trying to be in control and suppressing and improving the ever worrying, criticising, jealous, devious, evil parts. So many layers of defense built up and little that goes out is sometimes by accident when we think someone is trustworthy. That they will see the good and ignore or make the bad better. When they deceive, some more layers of defense adds up, the shell gets thicker and the chances of another person breaking through diminishes further. So every act of unkind behavior causes ripple effect, within the person at receiving and denies chances for others to make up. What if we break the norms? What if we act kindly to every person we meet? What if we always help first? W...

“You should go home and sleep.” “I am listening to these guys talking.” “From this far away?’ “I am not sure what they are saying, but they’re gonna fight.” “You’ve good hearing.” “It’s a habit of mine. I had eye problems when I was little. I couldn’t see well, so I listened. My sight was then corrected, but I never lost the habit of listening. Sometimes I think ears are more important. You “see” better with your ears. You can pretend to look happy, but your voice reveals the truth. Listen closely and you can tell. ” “Really?” “Just like your voice now tells me you’re not happy.” “So what are they saying over there?” “I’ll try.” - Happy Together  

There are a lot of cases where balanced and middle view is better, but adopting middle path on everything might lead to average or mediocre outcomes. One such problem is whether to be methodical, process oriented and cautious OR attitude of “get it done”, use whichever way suits the best for achieving the goal and taking risks. I think it is eventually basic nature of people. I also think either approach works differently for different kind of problems. Doing something new, discovering a solution where none exists, pursuits that calls more creativity – those may call for second approach. Changing a complex system, coordinating efforts of a large group of people to achieve a single goal, size of the problem being big – these may need the process oriented / methodical mindset. Knowing what kind of person I am on this spectrum of rigidly methodical to flying by the seat of the pants would be a good start. Assessing what kind of mindset is needed to solve the problem in front of...

Poems read / liked recently..  Khalil Gibran – My Friend  masking the madness..   My friend, thou art good and cautious and wise; nay, thou art perfect--and I, too, speak with thee wisely and cautiously. And yet I am mad. But I mask my madness. I would be mad alone. Khalil Gibran – on Friendship Khalil Gibran – Your Children Khalil Gibran – Half Life It is a good regular reminder, while it is difficult to adhere to. Mario de Andrade - The Valuable Time of Maturity Again a good aspiration. Shel Silverstein – The Voice Pablo Neruda – When I die I want your hands on my eyes There is a Malayalam film song which has similar idea. Pablo Neruda – One Hundred Love Sonnets Pablo Neruda – It’s Forbidden Erin Hanson – Pursuit of Perfect Erin Hanson – You are not your age

Weekend playlist is somewhat blue-ish. Sinead O’Connor – Nothing Compares 2 U No Doubt – Don’t Speak Gwen Stefani is a favorite. In her new avatar outside of the band No Doubt, but I like the No Doubt songs better. Amy Winehouse – Wake up alone it was her birthday couple of days back. I had written about her sometime back as well. Cesario Evora – Besame Mucho Spanish experiment continues. Need to discover more. Guadalupe Pineda – Historia De Un Amor Reshma – Lambi Judai

Erin Hanson – a poet in her early 20s, I did not realize someone with so much clarity about might be so young. Living Hygge , What Hygge really looks like , Denmark dominates the world happiness report – don’t know if such a report can be accurate, but liked the concept of Hygge. Being really present, “intentional intimacy”, shared experiences, slow and conscious, special moments, cosy, relaxing or loving – sounds good. Need to figure out how to have more such moments in life.   21 quotes from “Call me by your name” – I liked this movie, good quotes.

I read this extraordinary op-ed by a Trump administration insider. It reinforces what I was thinking about for some time. In our current time, leadership has become a farce. It could be a significant detriment to the world to have such leaders come up on top of organizations and nations. Why is this happening, in spite of a large number of people knowing that this is all illogical, improbable and irrational? Looking at the words used to describe Trump in this article: worst inclinations, misguided impulses, amorality, not moored to any discernible first principles that guide decision making, little affinity to ideals, impetuous, adversarial, petty, ineffective, whims, veer off topic and off the rails, repetitive rants, half-baked, ill-informed and occasionally reckless decisions, flip-flipped, erratic behavior. I see more of similar behavior from leaders, may not be such crazy levels. Narcissism, not encouraging feedback, shooting the messenger, prone to exaggeration, lac...

Someone tweeted about this spanish song . I didn’t know what it meant and about the music. It was a refreshing / different music. On Sundays, I do the laundry and it is usually with the background of some music. These days it is from youtube - either My Mix which is random or take any of my favorite songs and just hit the Mix option that comes up on the top. It sets me up for an hour or two. Back to this Spanish song. It is not frequent and easy to discover a new song. I wish there are music recommendation (and book, story and whole lot of other recommendations) which is not algorithm driven (based on what I liked in the past), but a recommendation from a human friend. Share a surprise music recommendation that can set you up for new journey. I feel it is like falling into a rabbit hole like Alice. Once I started listening to this song, I hit the “Mix” which brought up a whole lot of others. It might be similar songs like those, songs that others liked who also liked the fir...

"Perceptions rule the world."

There needs to be more words to describe some feelings. Like some random forwards about a single German word or Japanese word describing a feeling that can only be expressed in a sentence in English and still be incomplete. Like what do you call that feeling that comes every time I see the sky darkening, silence descending, with occasional cries of a bird, a cold breeze, announcing impending rain?   It used to be one distinct feeling, but now with aftermath of what happened in Kerala, I am not sure if it will remain the same. When it just sprinkled the other day, my wife was commenting that now every time there is a mention of rain, it will remind of Ms Rita’s front room that leaks.   Or the feeling of tightening in the chest of not being able to do anything, not feeling like doing anything, feeling like nothing is worth doing and all is in vain? That cloak of doom should be shaken with a coffee, sharing the wordly worries and have a good laugh with a friend. Or...

What is good to read or hear or watch just before going to bed? I think just right at night is bittersweet. In the morning, need something that can warm the bones and the blood, get the mind hopeful and body ready to run the race of the day. At the end of the day, when one more day has passed away, what is needed is not too happy and not too sad. To cool down the racing mind and to put one to sleep. If I find what is just right, I should put that on endless repeat until I am ready.

They said her house is In the small alley next to the ex-Minister’s bungalow. They said It is a big house and the yard will be clean since she would have plucked out all the weeds. She stays alone, she is strong willed even though her memory started fading. So if we go in such late evening hour, she may not even open the gate and even if she opens the gate she may not recognize. But we thought we will still try. She had taught my wife moral science for one year, she teaches History normally. Their batch recently collected some money for her. On our way my wife was thinking what to give her, whether there was an envelope. She does everything properly – I wouldn’t have thought of such things. Finally she found some envelopes in her 10 kg handbag that she carries everywhere. It has everything that is needed in any kind of emergencies – from torchlight to stapler. The envelopes were already labeled “Onamshasakal”, which she had written up to give small gifts to anyone who gives any sort...

Listened to the full speech by Charlie Munger ( text ). I think there are cheat sheets of cognitive biases that I need to add into my mental model and thinking system. Munger talks about psychological biases which we need to be aware of in our own behavior and also would be good to know in dealing with others – if we use these to engineer common good (not to manipulate for evil purposes). Power of incentives – using incentives to drive behavior. But I guess carrot / stick might work only to certain extent (learning from “Drive”). Examples - FedEx starting night shift allowance which allowed them to get people for night shifts. Reinforcement. Simple psychological denial - "The reality is too painful to bear, so you just distort it until it's bearable." A mom refusing to believe her son is dead. “Bias from consistency and commitment tendency , including the tendency to avoid or promptly resolve cognitive dissonance. Includ...

I was thinking about someone who is the only deliverer of bad news in a team and a leader who doesn’t want to hear bad news. Chanced upon below quote from the speech – “Psychology of Human Misjudgment” by Charlie Munger ( audio ).     Now you've got Persian messenger syndrome. The Persians really did kill the messenger who brought the bad news. You think that is dead? I mean you should've seen Bill Paley in his last 20 years. He didn't hear one damn thing he didn't want to hear. People knew that it was bad for the messenger to bring Bill Paley things he didn't want to hear. Well that means that the leader gets in a cocoon of unreality, and this is a great big enterprise, and boy, did he make some dumb decisions in the last 20 years. And now the Persian messenger syndrome is alive and well. I am hearing the drumbeat about Charlie Munger in every Farnam Street podcast – one after other, everyone interviewed in that podcast seems to be a Charlie Munger ...

These are some topics I need to read up and research further. How to work with irrational people more effectively and get things done? What to use when logic fails? Sometimes we prepare perfectly logical arguments which we think should be understood and accepted by people and we will get the logical outcome, but it doesn’t happen that way. Egos, prejudices and biases creep in and it goes haywire. After one or two steps, logical outcomes may become impossible to achieve. What makes some people more thoughtful, disciplined and achieve consistent outcomes? I see people with years of experience produce sloppy outcomes in some cases and execute some things well? What drives perfection? Is it possible to change? What makes people lean to left or right of political spectrum? Is it nature or nurture? Is it their brains or upbringing? What is the limit of nurture? Inherent talent and intelligence vs acquired expertise – is th...

I read somewhere that believing in any ideology too deeply to the extent of being dogmatic about it is going to be a problem. Whether it is capitalism, socialism, religions, political parties, organizations etc. I guess we need to have clarity on our principles and values that are immutable – like honesty, integrity, equality, humility. We probably should not take a centrist view on everything just to be politically correct and taking apparent merits of both sides of every argument. We can lean to one side based on our values, but needs to keep the eyes and ears open to what the other side is saying. I say all this due to the increasing political divide in my community. I see my childhood friends, people who I played , studied or worked with, moving to extreme opposite sides of the political spectrum. Every argument they make is tinged with their ideology which is obvious to a third party, but they will never agree that they are prejudiced in any way. Their arguments are reinfor...

I attended a marriage ceremony today, a simple function that I enjoyed attending after a long time – usually our kind of marriages (in Kerala) are just show pieces that are meaningless (or today I made up some meaning from it). For example, I watched the groom take blessings from an elder in the family. His father had made it a point to break off the groom from the procession which was taking him to the mandap, take blessing from this person and proceed. I thought he genuinely touched the person’s feet, asked for blessings and received it. It was someone with a head full of clean white hair, who knew him probably as an just born infant to a man that is standing before him, entering a new life. For some reason, hairs on my arm stood up. I was thinking if people realize that such moments, of taking or giving the blessings before you start a huge leap in your life, tying the knot, are once in a lifetime which makes it big moments. How do we get them imprinted in our memories – bein...

Someone asks a simple question. We think twice/thrice about the answer and give an answer that not just addresses the direct question, but also the implicit imagined questions and potential followup questions. I think it is in Gregory Bateson’s “Steps to an Ecology of Mind” that I read that someone’s seemingly harmless statement about something is evaluated by us what does that indicate for his relationship to me. Sometimes we answer with something that the other person will also know that it was an answer for some other question which was not explicitly asked, but we both don’t acknowledge that such a upspoken question was hanging in the air.  I guess it happens even more in email/chat where we analyze the questions and responses more, than talking. I also think with total strangers such analysis doesn’t happen and also there is no need to do that with people that we love – in first case we don’t care enough and in last case we both have a firm understanding of the relation...

Blind – an anonymous corporate social network. I think the biggest use of this will be to give true feedback to people. Such platforms have huge downside as well – but it is the kind of downside if we hear others thoughts without filters. I think most of the wastage in large corporates is due to people not being able to communicate their challenges freely with each other. Much effort and time goes in maneuvering such a tangle and get something done. There are people who will never ever know what is wrong with them because no one can tell them directly what is wrong with them. “Give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth”. It is true also that even when we know the truth about ourselves, we may rationalize and continue the same way. But still, by any chance, if people use such feedback to get better, it will be a huge improvement – individually and for corporations to get things done. Why software development requires servant leaders – I was alone for lunch today and had c...

When exactly did it become so big? A disaster happening step by step, we are in the picture and being aware of it slowly. When we are in an accident, time is supposed to slow down and we see everything happening but go with it since nothing else can be done. Kerala is seeing the biggest natural disaster so far in my lifetime. I see it happening, but when did I feel the pinch? I still may not have felt its full impact. But I see the people whose loved ones are stuck somewhere in the unknown, trying desperately to reach them, their panic in not knowing where they are and how they are doing and helplessness in not being able to do anything. I heard people watched the disaster unfold in the TV one day and next day flood water is on their door step. It rises inch by inch. Concern in people’s voices, their genuine effort, eagerness to help in anyway possible – all this restores the faith in humanity. Even while there are some who still find ways to further their agenda and mischief in...

Take any topic that seems interesting, obsess about it, build up the maze in the mind and keep going through layers and layers inside. The simulation in the mind starts to deviate from reality, either to the excited level or to the depression state. Preset rules are broken by emotion and impulse. How will it be brought back to equilibrium? Rude shocks of reality can bring it back, but then it might have caused some damage. Well meaning warning by someone close can point out the aberration, unless offense is taken where there is none meant. Self talk can do the trick, but such a strong mind which keeps it in check might not have allowed it to deviate in the first place. Blessed are those who either don’t move too far off the normal state either because they don’t burden themselves with too much thinking or those who sees the world clearly and have made their peace with it in all aspects.

Long time back, one of my team mates would say as a reason of coming late most mornings that he couldn’t muster the energy in the morning, had to warm up and crank the engine. I had joked with him to drink less the previous night, as a solution, nothing else is needed to charge him up every morning. But today was one of those days for me. I don’t laze around in the morning, I get into the rhythm and go through the motions, so won’t be sloppy, but some days are like that. I searched around to see what I can read which will put me in the mood and give me a little push – of self reflection, new ideas and get the creative juices flowing a bit. Didn’t find much, gave up and started from home for office. I had seen a photo of Amelia Boone with her 70 year old dad liked by someone in my twitter feed and remembered that I had downloaded her interview in Farnam street podcast . I put that on and started driving to office. It totally lifted my spirits, I was stopping multiple times on my way ...

Few recent reads:- Real Word vs Book Knowledge : Morgan Housel is someone I started following recently. Listened to his interview in Farnam Street podcast as well. This article was very apt for a debate that I was having with a colleague. We started a library within our team. Few folks pooled in money and we bought around 25 books which are some of the best in the areas where we all should be picking up skills, that will be useful in our work. In that context, argument was about bookish knowledge vs someone surprising us with their practical wisdom. I have no doubt there will be people who haven’t read widely, but will have brilliant insights. But it cannot be a “Vs”, not a “either / or” qn. One without the other will be incomplete. Also people use the excuse that they have real world knowledge to justify why they don’t read. In general, I think reading is on a decline (atleast among my acquaintances) and it could be one of the reasons for the rising social ills. What is L...