Xmas is around the corner and end
of a long year which I am not sad to get rid of. We were wandering around a
Xmas shop this weekend, lot of pretty ornaments to hang on the trees, greens,
red and gold. There was a kid running around the boxes of ornaments, calling
out to his mother every other second, squealing with delight of discovering so
many things, a bundle of energy. I watched him trot around, he had some
difficulty in walking, which he was oblivious of. I had read somewhere
that sometime seeing beauty brings you certain tinge of sadness too and it is
due to the fact that you realize at the back of your mind that it is not
permanent, not everlasting. I was thinking that this kid will grow up one day,
the unbounded happiness will get mixed with expectations, pride, competition,
jealousy, desire and all the other maladies which eats up the adult world. I
distinctly remember the time when I thought none of those matters, all that the
adults were talking about are exaggerations, and ours is the last generation
which will do away with petty things like caste and corruption etc because we
were incorruptible, pure at heart, incapable of harming anyone. It took a long
time to grow up.
All
these musings were following my latest obsession – J D Salinger and his short
stories. I read that he stopped publishing for 30-40 years after
getting attracted to Vedanta. It was probably act of renunciation. That he
followed Gospel of Ramakrishna and practiced it. It seems he has left Vedantic
clues in his last of the stories. And that maybe he didn’t stop writing, just
stopped publishing and there would be some new publications coming up,
including his notes on Vedanta. I am truly fascinated and puzzled by people
getting bowled over completely by belief or faith.
I had
a friend in college, someone I met on the first day probably, spent all of the
four years with. Brilliant guy, but uninterested in marks and people worrying
about exams, scoffed about people trying still to get to IIT, satisfied with
life and silent and observing in a corner. But he is the kind of guy who
experimented with everything, someone who would pick me up from home on
Saturday morning to go to a bar, who asked me to try a piece of chicken because
he couldn’t put up with the idea that I could go through life without tasting
meat, saying it is not different from cauliflower – I did taste the
chicken and true to his word he never asked again. He is someone I trusted to ride
with him even when he is drunk (youth, right?). One time I remarked to another
friend that his younger brother is so handsome unlike him, while I was getting
behind the bike, he told me that I shouldn’t have said that and it must have
hurt this friend – like a vintage photo, I remember the time and the place when
he said that and I see the picture of us from that moment burnt into memory.
Final year, I flunked the CTS interview and two of my constant companions
including him got into it. He quit CTS within an year to get his MS. I got
married and one time we visited him in his college in Syracuse. He had become
deeply religious and was living with a missionary, in a seminary. He was lost
to me. He was aloof and didn’t even call when he was visiting with a
congregation near where I lived. He came back to TVM after his MS and started
teaching, rather than going after lucrative jobs and settle down in US. Couple
of years back, I went to his college for recruitment, primarily to meet him –
he told me not to fail his students. After the interviews, when I told him I
did reject one of them, he asked me the name and the details of why I thought
so. Then told me that times are not the same as when we were studying, there is
more drugs in colleges and it is easy for them to go astray.
One
more friend from the college turned religious, shaved his head, took up saffron
and joined ISCON. On my count, 3 out of 90 from my college batch now. What made
them to take the leap towards religion and spirituality? Do they see something
that majority of us don’t? I sometimes wonder if it is a mental condition
itself – since one other of these friends with whom I playfully took up an
argument about faith, tried to prove why I was wrong vehemently and kept trying
since then for years to make me see the light. I saw a picture of Ambanis in
front of Guruvayoor temple today, directly in front of sreekovil, without
having to stand in queue for hours and getting pushed within seconds to keep
moving – these are not like that. They don’t want anything from God, not
to protect their wealth, not to ask for favors. They are content in their
faith, there is some calmness and peace that has descended on them. Is that
what God wants – to create all the material things for the purpose of testing,
all of the imperfections to try and overcome. Like what Chekhov wrote, we are
emotional beings and we suffer and rejoice and feel – why would we reject all
that and become a stoic? Why should that be the only path to reach God? Why did
He put us on earth, if the purpose was to find him by renouncing all the
earthly things, in this life itself?
Anyway,
I decided to read Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna (PDF, 4MB). If I
work through all 1100 pages of it, it will be the first time of its kind. I
couldn’t suffer through the likes of OSHO, who takes up prime positions in all
book festivals in TVM – I thought those are preachy about some secrets for
pages upon pages without saying what the secret is. Now I want to see what
drove JD Salinger over the edge..