random ramblings

I came across this tweet a few days back, which is like one of those we say “Yes!” to, someone had put into words something we are also feeling. I was thinking about this line yesterday as well. We lose a lot as we get older, a bunch of habits and moods and proclivities, but the one thing I truly mourn is the way music used to make me feel. https://x.com/_sairamkrishnan/status/1822639043206598836 I was looking for something to listen to in the morning and nothing fit the mood. Spotify showed a new recommended list as “for the baddies”, don’t know what it meant, but the music felt nonsensical. Daylist didn’t excite, Discover Weekly the same. After some time, the line “Uth meri jaan” somehow came to mind, not sure how as I hadn’t listened to this song for years. I was trying to deconstruct the reason why this came up now. I suspect if it was triggered by the radio ad I heard yesterday about Sonu Nigam coming to Kerala for a concert. I used to listen to songs from the movie Tamanna non st...

Traveled to Melbourne, Australia for work for a week. It was my first time to Australia. It was a coincidence of events that led to it. Helping someone out of the blue in first days of 2024 that might have led to a trip to Australia at the time, but didn't. Some goodwill from that episode and others helped to lead to something else. I hope this further results in a positive outcome.  A new country for me. While I had some notions about Australia, through documentary of their women's football team (Matildas), hearsay, perceptions about Australia cricket team and such, it all changes or clarifies to a different picture once I visit. Vast country, much bigger than India, but less people than Kerala, large Indian and Chinese contingent of immigrants, quick weather changes, closeness to Antartica, stories about dwarf Penguins coming back in the evening at an island beach, wild fires, short days in the end of winter, a city with its high rises quite same as any other metros, coffee c...

  1. I had been in this situation before. Getting bored with a format of writing. It is not writer’s block. I used to write an email to my team every Monday, with whatever was on top of my mind the previous week. I did that over a year or so and then stopped - felt like I am repeating myself, have said everything I wanted to say, that whether anyone would get any more value out of that or that I am forcing myself to stick to that schedule and it should be more natural than that, not a chore. The same is happening to these weekly notes already. I couldn’t get out of the slump that I got into. I think one way out could be to change the format, so trying that from now. I know the cure is to keep going, one step at a time.    2. It is raining here, almost all the time. I think of these days as apocalyptic - dark all the time, rain falling with the noise of a train. It is also the perfect mood for a tea, feet up, something philosophical to read and wonder about something...

It is going to be one month since some of my routines were broken. I hadn’t gone for a walk/run for a month, didn’t read much till this past weekend and didn’t feel like watching any movies. When I get into such a slump, I typically clean up everything. It gives a feeling of starting from a clean slate. It has been the way since childhood - when life is a mess, cleanup the surroundings. Fold clothes, vacuum clean the house, pay attention to personal hygiene, clean up the todo lists, emails, open tabs in the browser, make new resolutions. It gives the feeling of starting over.  While passing over some things, I saw the name of someone who I said thank you to on social media for sharing good music. She had passed away during covid and it was a shock even though it was nearly a stranger to me. I have the last text sent to a friend asking how he is doing before he passed away. For a long period of time, people leaving with that kind of finality was not on my mind. People move away to o...

  My small world got reconfigured once more in the last few weeks. I lost my father two weeks back. I had travelled to Montreal, Canada for work for two weeks and this was a sudden shock on a surreal Sunday morning. There was no warning, no mental preparation. I went through the motions of just packing and leaving in the first available flight, trying not to think too much. Past two weeks have been a blur of rituals, doing what needs to be done mechanically and meeting people I hadn’t met in decades. Words seem to have dried up for some time. It may not be the best way to process the grief, but this may take time.  

  1.  It was the last week before schools opened, so we took one day off and spent it in Trivandrum’s Lulu mall’s play area. Kids had a great time. I was hoping we could get out in an hour or two, but had to drag them out in the evening.  I was mostly observing strangers, if that is a nicer way of putting it. So many different types of people. An old lady in a housecoat and thorthu, being pushed in a wheelchair. A thatha, so overweight she was hanging onto the railing, joking with her grandsons. A girl and a boy dressed fashionably, girl with rolled up tshirt, walking hand in hand - after some time, another girl joined them, three of them walking holding hands like an ad for something. School groups - I assumed some from International school, checking up on someone who was sitting outside a play area, from their group, video calling and chatting. Two lovebirds, thin, must be in 12th or undergraduate, clinging to each other, their group accepts this pair as one person. An ...

1. It is permanently dark under rain clouds. Low lying areas are flooding. People are complaining about road work everywhere combined with rain making traffic difficult. How things change from two weeks back when it was extremely hot to now summer rains causing floods. It is not yet Monsoon.  2. We attended a wedding engagement function. I watched the series “Made in Heaven” which was a story of wedding planners coordinating luxury weddings last year. It was curious to see the wedding planners in this function prepared with remote control to trigger the sparklers when bride entered, cannons that shot out rose petals and photographers instructing the father of the groom and groom to talk to take candid pics. Wedding functions have become elaborate affairs - maybe that industry needed to employ people who will invent more.  3. Finished reading Book 9 of 2024, “ 48 Laws of Power ” by Robert Greene. It was a difficult read, but insightful nevertheless. I can identify the behaviour...

It started raining daily now. Sky is dark most of the time. After maybe the hottest summer, it feels good to not sweat all the time and sleep better.   Acquired a new customer last week, after a pursuit of more than a year. The ups and downs, working with new people, trying different things, bouts of inspiration, thrill of doing something new. Building new teams is a tough challenge ahead, but for the moment it feels good.  We watched a movie, Guruvayoor Ambalanadayil (Malayalam) in the theatre on its first day, among cheering fans. We don’t normally do that, but this was an impulsive one. Its story had something new, but then it felt like they didn’t know where to take it. Few good laughs and loud and jarring music.  Finished 8th book of the year - “ When we cease to understand the world ” by Benjamin Labatut. It was a good read, in a new genre that is retelling the life of few scientists as a mix of fiction and nonfiction, with a touch of fantasy and philosophy. I ...

"Yesterday, all my troubles seems far way" is a favourite song.  "Unsociable hours" waking up around 3 am for something, remembering that brain on less sleep might be like a drunken zombie.  "Anger is a secondary emotion - root is fear or hurt" was the takeaway from a podcast I listened to on the way to the office.  "I am going to take things easy, I am stressing out too much, it may impact my career, but it is ok" was a friend's take from yesterday's breakfast where we gossiped and cribbed to heart's content. I can understand why gossip is the reason language developed and having a friendly shoulder to lean on is necessary. "Seeing a smiling face gives energy to go on" was a comment to a colleague, in the virtual world talking to a couple of hundred people with only a handful on video. It is far more refreshing than talking to a computer. "Feeling restless" I said to a friend and he said "I could sense that...

  1. I travelled to Pune for a few days this week. I was recovering from the cough, cold and headache during the first couple of days, with a runny nose and runny eyes as well. Got better through the journey and healed by the time I got back. Pune was hot, it was 40 or 41 degrees. When I landed in Pune, I felt the color palette of the whole scenery was light brown, like the filters used in some western movies to get a dull desert like color. Irony was after we finished, return flight from Pune was delayed due to thunderstorms. Rain water was falling in sheets not drops from the airport roof. It was worth the trip though - to meet a lot of people, get a sense of what is going on and orient myself. A few vignettes from that travel and conversations as notes this week.  2. “If I get to know people, they will come to me with their problems too, which will increase my workload”  “Oh, you are also from the same project? I had seen you around, but never realized” Current hybrid ...

  Couple of weeks back, few of us were walking out for lunch. One person was talking about a detailed assessment done for a product and asking someone if she was confident to present it to a customer. It seems she showed absolute confidence, but when she started speaking, those were incorrect or meaningless statements which the speaker doesn’t seem to have any awareness about. I said something like “The wise are full of doubts, but fools are full of confidence” - I had been seeing more of these happening of late. I didn’t remember where I had heard this phrase before and exactly what it was. Someone remarked that as we learn more, we also come to know the gaps in our knowledge, hence when we speak we are cautious. But if someone doesn’t know at all, they can be confident.  Last week, I saw this quote in a tweet .  "The folks who know the truth aren't talking...The ones who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up!" - Tom Waits Then this poem ( The Second Coming, ...

  "മൂളിക്കേ ഒന്നൂടെ" ഏതോ രണ്ടു വരി പാട്ട് നാക്കിൽ കേറിയതാ. അതു കണ്ടുപിടിക്കാനുള്ള ശ്രമം.  ഞാനിങ്ങനെ ഏതോ പാട്ടിൻ്റെ എവിടുത്തെ എങ്കിലും രണ്ടു വരി ലൂപ്പിൽ ഇട്ട് മണിക്കൂറുകൾ  ചിലപ്പോ മൂളും. ചിലപ്പോ ഏതാ പാട്ടെന്നു എനിക്ക് പോലും അറിയില്ലായിരിക്കാം. താളവാസന ഇല്ലാത്ത കാരണം ചിലപ്പോ പാട്ട് ശരിയും ആവില്ല. എവിടേലും എപ്പോഴേലും കേട്ടതാവാം . അതു കണ്ട് പിടിക്കലാ ഒരു വിനോദം.  രണ്ടു ദിവസം മുന്നേ ഇത് പോലൊരു പാട്ടും കണ്ടുപിടിക്കൽ ശ്രമവും നടന്നതാ. പണ്ടു പുതിയ അല്ലേൽ പരിചയമില്ലാത്ത നല്ല പാട്ട് എവിടേലും കേട്ടാൽ സൗണ്ട് ഹൗണ്ട് എന്ന ആപ്പ് വച്ച് ഓഡിയോ സേർച്ച് ചെയ്തു നോട്ട് ചെയ്തു വയ്ക്കുമായിരുന്നു. ഗൂഗിൾ അസിസ്റ്റന്റ് വന്നപ്പോ, അതിൽ പാട്ട് സെർച്ച് കണ്ടു പിടിച്ചപ്പൊ മുതൽ അതിലായി പരീക്ഷണം. സാധാരണ വീട്ടിലല്ലാതെ, പുറത്തെവിടെയും, അതിനി ഗൂഗിൾ ആയാലും, മൂളാൻ പോലും മടിയാണ്. എൻ്റെ താളമില്ലാത്ത, ചിലപ്പൊ തെറ്റായ വരികൾ വരെ, ഗൂഗിളിനേക്കാളും നന്നായി കണ്ടുപിടിക്കും എന്ന ധാരണ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു. പക്ഷെ ഇത് എന്തു ചെയ്തിട്ടും കണ്ടു പിടിക്കാൻ പറ്റുന്നില്ല.  പിന്നെ spotify തുറന്ന് തൊട്ടു മുന്നേ കേട്ട കുറെ പാട്ടുകൾ...