Finding Alaska

Sometimes someone or something affects us deeply and we think we will never be able to forget. After a trauma we remember it every second of every day and then after long the first full day when we forget to remember, then the first week, then the first month keeps adding distance. Eventually the intense feeling also becomes a memory.

When it feels like life can't go on, it is important to know that it is possible to put it all back together. Way out of the labyrinth need not be only straight and fast, but realizing that labyrinth is not choking, but it just is, may ease the pressure. There is help if we ask for it. It maybe true that we cry, laugh, love and live less as years pass by and apathy, despair and some of those which were not in the dictionary in earlier part of the life replace them. Time heals and like those wounds which pains during some winters, some may smolder over the years. But nothing should or can maim us for life. Or that should be the belief that can take us far. 

- after reading Finding Alaska

favorite song

Moment of falling in love

Nothing seems out of place

Every note perfect

Nothing could have been done any different

Running in loop

Discovering new little things to love

Like how some words are said, even funnily

Can only be done in that way, endearing

Like pure magic or work of a genius

Have too much of the good thing

Till can’t take it any more

To come back any time through the years

And find the same pull of the heart

നോൺ ഫിക്ഷൻ

"Chinua Achebe - Man of the People. ഫിക്ഷനോ നോൺ ഫിക്ഷനോ?"

"ഫിക്ഷൻ"

"നോൺ ഫിക്ഷൻ നിർത്തിയോ?"

"ഇല്ല. ഒരെണ്ണം വായിക്കുന്നുണ്ട്."

"എന്തിനാ. ഫുൾ ഉപദേശം. വായിച്ചാൽ ഉറക്കം വരും." 

ബുക്ക് കൊണ്ടു തലക്കൊരെണ്ണം കൊടുത്തു. 

"നീയെപ്പോഴാ അതിനു നോൺ ഫിക്ഷൻ വായിച്ച് ഉറങ്ങിയത്?"

"ആ പിക്ചർ ബുക്ക് ഇല്ലേ? അത് വായിച്ച്."

"ഏതു പിക്ചർ ബുക്ക്‌?"

"അതു പോലും ഓർമ്മയില്ല, പിന്നെന്തിനാ വായിക്കുന്നത്. ഇതാ ഞാൻ പറഞ്ഞേ, നോൺ ഫിക്ഷൻ കൊള്ളില്ല."

ഒന്നൂടെ കൊടുത്തു. 

"ആ, ഓർമ്മ വന്നു." Shape Of Ideas - Grant Snider. "അതു നല്ലതായിരുന്നു"

"നാളത്തെ ഹെഡ് ലൈൻ - അച്ഛൻ മകളെ രണ്ടു പ്രാവശ്യം തലക്കടിച്ചു. പ്രതി ഇപ്പോൾ കൊല്ലത്തിരുന്നു ചപ്പാത്തി കഴിക്കുന്നു. വാദി അടുത്തു തന്നെ ഉണ്ട്."

rules to live by

Conduct lot of experiments 

Be self disciplined 

Do everything out of love - love for other people, love for work, love for life 

Connect with people 

Share a vision that people want to join and be part of 

Lean in to every moment - expecting magic or miracles 

Have / find fun and delight in everything we do 

Be true to what you believe in, never compromise your core beliefs

Process > Outcome 

Stress + Rest (Reflection) = Progress 

There are no boundaries or limits 

Be the best you, you can be 

Always strive to keep making a better you 

Build bridges, not walls

Be the change you want to see

If I end up blaming the world for all my problems, then the problem is me. 

Admit mistakes

Be kind 

Gracefully tell the truth 

Intellectual Humility 

Be Authentic, don't adjust, don't pretend, don't play-act, don't compromise - don't be an adult, be a child 

Persist - don't let go if it is right, keep coming back at it from different angles at different times until objective is met 

Be curious - keep learning, every day learning compounds over time 

Move from short term thinking to long term, practice second order thinking - impact of actions, avoiding immediate reactions, how to achieve long term goals even with short term pain 

Growth mindset instead of Fixed mindset 

Forgive and Forget 

Take responsibility, own it up 

Talk TO people, don't talk ABOUT people 

Do favors 

Be a rebel, differentiate, stand out 

Strive for excellence in everything, continuously improve, don't compromise 

Move from Hierarchies to Networks, from Competition to Synergies 

Care + Attention = Love 

Keep your word

Understand why, communicate why - key to creating the shared vision 

Communicate with compassion 

Listen actively - to why people are saying what they are saying, listen for emotions, listen between words, craft messages that can penetrate toughest of shields 

Let them hear the smile in your voice. 

Find some / any good in others, to find a reason why we should work with them, try hard to find common ground, try hard to find topics where we can agree before solving disagreements 

Disagree without being disagreeable 

Help people

Simplify everything - thoughts, words, actions, interactions 

Be vulnerable - don't worry about what was shared if it was true 

Craft experiences such a way that different people win

Purity of purpose (squeaky clean purpose) behind everything, no hidden agenda or intent, no worries 

Don't do anything that I will be sorry for later 

Switch on for occasions, break the monotony, vary the pitch, change the avatar, keep it interesting 

Go to any war knowing whether you will win or lose, anticipate and plan accordingly 

Change one thing every day, try one new thing every day, test what works

"Be patient, it's a nine-innings game" don't rush the process or expect results too swiftly 

-- collated from various sources and advise received over time

endless conversations

How does conversations end?

When we have nothing more interesting to say?

When we think we have said enough?

How much is enough?

When we think we are revealing ourselves more than we intend to?

When we think we may be stretching the topic too thin?

When we start to think too much before saying something?

When we start to think about boring the other person too much?

Why can’t it take new turns and become endless?

All the Bright Places

Precocious teens, smart and wise beyond their age, moody, suicidal, beautiful / handsome, well read, troubled, weird – common characteristics of three YA novels I read recently. I seem to have forgot my teenage years, whether I struggled so much. It is the time when you understood enough about the world, society, people, politics, religion and community – but still harbor an idealistic view, wants to contribute, want to change the world and think it is possible. Half of them would have already blended in and any one fighting still could be seen freakish. It is hard to accept the adults who have become like zombies who have adjusted and accepted the world. How much longer do they fight? How do they deal with the failures when the reality closes in? How do they keep their idealism burning as long as possible, to keep them genuine, uncorrupted, fresh and innocent? How to keep the connections open while they make the transition? Or don’t transition at all, but keep the sanity?

- After reading “All the Bright Places”, Jennifer Niven

milkman

“Perceptions are reality”, they say. Start a new narrative / gossip about a person, on hearsay, driven by jealousy, intention to take revenge for one’s hurt ego, or upon violating someone’s preconceived notions about how someone should be. Keep finding new reasons to strengthen that narrative, anything could cement it further. Keep building the crescendo, the germ transferred to other minds, multiples and feeds on itself. It could lead to bringing someone down, that’s when the new imaginary monster unleashed gets satisfied. 

In its wake, boundaries of what is true and what is false gets blurred. No one is able to decide and separate out fact from fiction. Eventually the victim might start believing it herself. Any one acting out of ordinary will be turned a freak and that makes it easier to discount their view which may be the truth. Create narrower divisions of us vs them, draw crisscrossing lines to block off people like pawns in a chess board, create symbols and micro ideologies to keep the smaller groups tighter and closed off from others. Are there masterminds to these games or once started these are independent monsters who cannot be controlled? If there is an overall master mind, in spite of the evil and danger he poses, it must be mind blowing strategy.

How do one get out this maze? Reacting and kicking out will drag one down like a quicksand. Blocking out will also not make it go away. How do one fight an imaginary hydra? Do an individual have any way out once caught in this? Resign to the fate is the only option? How to device a counter attack that has a chance of success? How to keep the sanity? How to not become another pawn in the game?

- After reading Milkman, by Anna Burns.

podcast notes

Listened to Winning at the Great Game: My Interview with Adam Robinson (Part 2) [The Knowledge Project Ep. #48].  It kept going from topic to topic, but I have realized few benefits of listening to podcasts. In the morning commute, listening to such fires the brain cells and puts it in a mood to attempt something new, more hopeful, more alert and triggers some ideas for new experiments. They might be talking about something, but brain could do some free association and something they talk about could be taken into a new context of what I am interested in or related to the problems I may be struggling with.

5 takeaways from this one.

1. Key to learn anything. Break it down to small steps or skills and Rehearse each one.
2. "A beginner mind sees many possibilities, an expert sees only a few"
3. Break down complexity to a few key metrics that we can reason with.
4. Learning how to learn is an important skill not taught to many students.
5. “What does people know about you that you don't know about yourself?”

2019 list - read, watch, listen, learn more

New year resolution to read, listen, learn more. Keeping record of it, as a way to keeping a commitment. Hope to keep this updated.

Books read

1. Milkman – Anna Burns. 3 / 5
2. All the Bright Places – Jennifer Niven. 3.5 / 5
3. Snow Crash - Neal Stephenson. 4 / 5 
4. A Contract with God - Will Isner. 3.5 / 5
5. Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood - Marjane Satrapi - 4 / 5
6. Persepolis 2: The Story of a Return - Marjane Satrapi - 3.5 / 5
7. The Best We Could Do - Thi Bui - 4 / 5 
8. A Man of the People - Chinua Achebe - 3 / 5
9. Sabrina - Nick Drnaso - 3.5 / 5
10. Little Prince - Antoine de Saint Exupéry - 4 / 5
11. Normal People - Sally Rooney - 4 / 5
12. The Vegetarian - Han Kong - 3.5 / 5
13. Jazz - Tony Morrison - 3.5 / 5
14. Sula - Tony Morrison - 3.5 / 5 
15. Maus - Art Spiegelman - 4/ 5 
16. Khasakkinte Itihasam - O. V. Vijayan (Malayalam) - 4 / 5
17. Black Leopard, Red Wolf - Marlon James - 3 / 5
18. Looking for Alaska - John Green - 4 / 5
19. The Women's Courtyard - Khadija Mastoor - 4 / 5
20.  Aarachar - K.R. Meera (Malayalam) - 4 / 5
21. The Namesake - Jhumpa Lahiri - 4.5 / 5 
22. Conversations with Friends - Sally Rooney - 4 / 5
23. A gentleman in Moscow - Amor Towles - 4.5 / 5
24. Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine - Gail Honeyman - 4 / 5
25. Influence: the psychology of persuasion – Robert Cialdini - 4 / 5

Podcasts, Listened

1. Winning at the Great Game: My Interview with Adam Robinson (Part 2) [The Knowledge Project Ep. #48]
2. Winning at the Great Game: My Interview with Adam Robinson (Part 1) [The Knowledge Project Ep. #47]
3. James Clear on Rich Roll Podcast - Why habits are the compound interest of self improvement
4. The Dying Art of Conversation: My Interview with Author and Speaker Celeste Headlee
5. This is Water - David Foster Wallace
6. Inventing the Future: My Interview With Lux Capital’s Josh Wolfe 
7. The Evolutionary Angel, Naval Ravikant - Tim Ferris Show
8. The Moth Radio Hour: Occasional Magic
9. Thich Nhat Hanh, Cheri Maples, and Larry Ward — Being Peace in a World of Trauma
10. #353: Patrick Collison — CEO of Stripe - Tim Ferris Show
11. #1309 - Naval Ravikant - The Joe Rogan Experience
12. The Moth Radio Hour: A Flight Attendant, A Refugee, and A Preacher
13. The Moth Radio Hour: Brains, Beauty, and Brawn: Stories of Girlhood
14. Tales from the Emerald Isle: Michael Devlin, Claire Nevin & Paul Doran
15. John O'Donohue — The Inner Landscape of Beauty
16. Joe Rogan Experience – John Carmack
17. The Knowledge Project with Share Parrish - Leading Above the Line with Jim Dethmer
18. On Being with Krista Tippett - Jericho Brown — Small Truths and Other Surprises
19. On Being with Krista Tippett - Mary Oliver — Listening to the World
20. On Being with Krista Tippett - Seth Godin — Life, the Internet, and Everything
21. On Being with Krista Tippett - Mahzarin Banaji — The Mind Is a Difference-Seeking Machine
22. Software Engineering Daily - Facebook Engineering Process with Kent Beck
23. Shonda Rhimes on How to Create Stories (and Products) People Want
24. The Knowledge Project with Share Parrish - #69 Stephen Schwarzman: What It Takes
25. The Knowledge Project with Share Parrish - #68 Daniel Kahneman: Putting Your Intuition on Ice
26. Invest like the best - Kevin Systrom and Mike Krieger – How to Build a Great Product
27. The Knowledge Project with Share Parrish - #70 Scott Adams: Avoiding Loserthink

Movies 
1. Andhadhun - Hindi - 7 / 10
2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - 8/10
3. Roma - 8/10
4. Vijay Superum Pournamiyum - 5 / 10 
5. Bohemian Rhapsody - 7.5 / 10
6. 20th Century Women - 7 / 10
7. Kumbalangi Nights - 7.5 / 10 
8. Free Solo (documentary) - 8 / 10
9. Lady Bird - 6.5 / 10 
10. If Beale street could talk - 6.5 / 10
11. Manmarziaan - 6.5 / 10
12. Coração de Cowboy - 6 / 10
13. The Lincoln Lawyer - 6 / 10
14. Blackklansman - 6.5 / 10
15. The Green Book - 7 / 10
16. The shoplifters - 6.5 / 10
17. The way we were - 6.5 /10 
18. June (Malayalam) - 6 / 10
19. Gone Girl - 6 / 10
20. Secret in their eyes - 5 / 10
21. Annie Hall - 7 / 10
22. The English Patient - 7.5 / 10
23. Molly's Game - 5 / 10
24. God's Own Country - 6 / 10
25. The Descendants - 7 / 10
26. Uyare - 7 / 10
27. The last king of Scotland - 7 / 10
28. Varathan - 7 / 10
29. Iyyobinte Pusthakam - 7 / 10 
30. Carol - 7 / 10
31. Brooklyn - 6.5 / 10
32. One Day - 6.5 / 10
33. God's Own Country - 6 / 10 
34. Never Let Me Go - 7.5 / 10
35. The Spectacular Now - 7 / 10
36. The Light between Oceans - 6.5 / 10
37. Argentina Fans Kattoorkadavu - 6 / 10
38. Athiran - 6 / 10
39. Uyare - 7.5 / 10
40. And the Oscar goes to.. - 5.5 / 10
41. Assassination of Jesse James by coward Robert Ford - 7  10
42. American Women - 6 / 10
43. Tamasha - 6.5 / 10
44. Once upon a time in Hollywood - 7 / 10
45. Chekka chivantha vaanam - 6 / 10
46. Yesterday - 7.5 / 10
47. Sicario - 6.5 / 10
48. John Wick 1, 2, 3 - 6.5 /10
51. Marriage Story - 8 / 10
52. The Deer Hunter - 7.5 / 10
53. Ishq - 6 / 10
54. The irishman - 8 / 10

New Music discoveries 
1. Prateek Kuhad - Cold/Mess
2. Phum Viphurit - Paper Throne
3. Tonina Saputo - Historia du an Amor
4. LP - Lost on you
5. LP - Muddy Waters
6. Kumbalangi Nights - Uyiril Thodum 
7. Tonina Saputo - Quizas, Quizas, Quizas

Poems
1. Today , Wild Geese, Journey, The Summer Day, This talking about Love, The fourth sign of zodiac, For Example, Softest of mornings, Black oaks, The poet dreams of the mountain, The Fire, When I am among the trees - Mary Oliver 
2. Don't go far off, Sweetness, Always, I Like for You to be Still - Pablo Neruda
3. A red, red rose - Robert Burns
4. Yesterday, Black Cherries - W. S. Merwin
5. The colonel - Carolyn Forche
6. Melancholy - Ruben Dario
7. How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43) - Elizabeth Barrett Browning
8. Give All to Love - Ralph Waldo Emerson
9. Kindness - Naomi Shihab Nye
10. The More Loving One - W. H. Auden
11. At The Last Watch - Rabindranath Tagore
12. At a Window - Carl Sandburg
13. A Prayer, Dark days, Desiderata - words for life  - Max Ehrmann
14. somewhere i have never traveled, gladly beyond - E. E. Cummings
15. Loneliness - Katherine Mansfield
16. For The Sake Of Strangers - Dorianne Laux
17. Today - Thomas Carlyle
18. The Rebel (Bidrohi) - Kazi Nazrul Islam
19. Offering and Rebuff - Carl Sandburg 
20. Poem for everyone - John Wood 
21. Buoyancy, Poems of Passion - Rumi
22. After a while - Veronica Shoftshall
23. Blessing the boats - Lucille Clifton
24. Alone - Georges Rodenbach
25. Moonlight Sleeps Within Your Heart - Jean Lahor
26. The Coming of Light - Mark Strand
27. I Feel Sorry For the Stars - Fernando Pessoa
28. Digging - Seamus Heaney
29. To my beloved: With my soul in my lips - Medardo Ángel Silva
30. A Decade - Amy Lowell
31. Wisdom , I am not Yours - Sara Teasdale 
32. Her Beauty - Max Plowman
33. The Oblation - Algernon Charles Swinburne
34. In an Artist's Studio - Christina Rossetti35. Democracy - Langston Hughes
36. Possibilities, The onion - Wislawa Szymborska
37. Slow Dance - David L. Weatherford
38. Moment, Aspiration - Mario de Andrade
39. The Voice - Shel Silverstein 
40. They sit together on the porch - Wendell Berry
41. Gulmohar - jndmello 
42. Before Quiet - Hazel Hall
43. Mad girl's love song - Sylvia Plath
44. Mimesis - Fady Joudah 

45. These poems - June Jordan
46. I have no power - Nizar Qabbani
47. Spring in Nairobi - Ngwatilo Mawiyoo
48. The Dove - Leonard Cohen
49. The peace of wild things - Wendell Berry
50. Jerusalem - Naomi Shihab Nye
51. A morning offering - John O'Donohue
52. Eating the bones - Ellen Bass
53. Faint music - Robert Hass 
54. Everything is going to be alright - Derek Mahon
55. Happiness - Jane Kenyon
56. The Rainy Day - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Others, watched and liked 
1. Inventing on principle - Bret Victor
2. Dreaming Murakami 
3. Systems Thinking
4. My year reading a book from every country in the world
5. Stop Drawing Dead Fish - Bret Victor 
6. How to start a startup
7. Greatness - David Marquet
8. Emergence and Complexity
9. Chaos and Reductionism
10. Introduction to Human Behavioral Biology
11. Russell Ackoff - From Mechanistic to Systemic Thinking
12. Systems Thinking Speech by Russell Ackoff
13. Robert C Martin - The Land that Scrum Forgot
14. Scott Hanselman - "it's not what you read, it's what you ignore"
15. Scott Hanselman - Scaling Yourself 
16. Spotify Engineering Culture

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