this year

This year I learned some.

Read few good books.

Watched some good movies.

Discovered good music and made some new favorites.

Listened to new podcasts.

Wrote a bit.

Did yoga for 6 months.

Fought some, lost some and won a few battles.

Made some mistakes.

Felt host of emotions.

Scored a winning goal.

Made wine.

Cooked some new “dishes”

Traveled to few countries

Made few friends

Here's to a new year!

possibilities

So many possibilities exist for all of us. At any given moment. To make another choice, to take a different path, to make a difference to our lives and to others. Inertia, customs, duties, responsibilities, society – all words to tie us down.

Wish we can simplify every thought, action and interaction. No pretenses and be original, bare, raw human. Find bliss in that. Say what we know and what we don’t know. Express our feelings without needing to explain why we are feeling that way or feeling guilty of that feeling.

Wish we can accept people for who they are, see the good in them and amplify that. Simple powers to subtly lead someone to be a better version of themselves.

Wish we can show people endless possibilities in front of them. Lives which will be lived in eternal monotony can be nudged ever so gently to fulfillment. Find the larger purpose and meaning of our lives and others.

-- After reading Totochan. Teaching is such a holy profession, so undervalued atleast in my part of the world. So much can be done, so many lives can be touched in a fundamental way.

the lowland

What makes people absolutely hate someone? What actions we do permanently affects trajectory of someone else's life and be the reason for everything else they do or don't do for rest of their lives? Should we have that kind of influence on someone or should we allow to have someone occupy our thoughts and actions so deeply? Why can't we forget and forgive - it is so liberating, even then? Is being kind even with people who wronged us weak? What actions are unpardonable - even from a victim and even when it is justifiable? Why don't we speak about our emotions, reason it out with another person, even when we are not sure of it and try to discover why we feel what we feel and get out of mental knots that prevent us from being free?

Every person has a story, untold to anyone else in the world and unknowable to the world. Some stories we live with and take to our graves. It cannot be told to the loved ones to avoid hurting them, postponed for the right time which maybe forever. Everyone has such bundles. I read somewhere that be kind to people as we don't know what they are going through. Adulthood and maturity are masks earned for hiding the inner turmoil effectively. In that respect, everyone is a hero too. Sacrifices and choices made for others and oneself, long journeys spanning decades nursing wounds and still smiling.

I wonder how the twilight of our lives will be? Who will be around and how the stories end? In the end everything is pardoned and nothing else matters anymore and world moves on as if none of it ever mattered.    

- after reading "The Lowland" by Jhumpa Lahiri

Can't have two faces..

There is something called radical honesty - being truthful in every situation. But can truth have various versions? How do we know if what we know as truth is the only version of it? Should we constantly doubt our own versions of the truth and modify it? How can we not become delusional, pedantic or radical by believing only our version of the truth and stop being open to accept other versions or variations? Should there be balance in saying the truth? Should we be silent sometimes when the truth can hurt someone? Is white lies ok to avoid hurting someone? How do we know if we are not slipping down our moral thresholds if we push the limit of not telling the truth, too far? Doesn't truth change over time - with expansion of the view point, more data being available? A sudden emergency, a catastrophe suddenly brings clarity to us that some truths should have been said early, somethings shouldn't have been ignored. But at the same time, when should truth telling be sweetened to avoid hurting egos vs when should it be plainly told to make the impact felt? Is there a bigger truth vs smaller truth? With whom can you tell the truth and with whom should you not? With someone if you can't tell the truth openly, what does that mean for the relationship? Should you be kind with even enemies and avoid hurting their ego? Should you be kinder with your loved ones and protect them from some harsh realities by not revealing everything? When should you withhold and when should you reveal? How should you say the truth? Saying it in one way vs the other changes the truth or the acceptance of it? Should there be a purpose to telling the truth? Saying the truth or lie for one's own benefit or for the sake of another - does it change how we choose to do it? 

How to suppress emotions, like a man?

- Never talk about it with anyone. In groups talk about only serious subjects like economics, politics and sports. Condition oneself.
- Set expectations and live up to it - calm under any circumstances, always be "rational". Act as if you know everything and have any situation under control.
- Anger and Pride are allowed since it matches with the expectations.
- Any signs of breach of these, fight back / avoid / ignore so that the moment passes and one can forget about it and move on.
- What is past is past, never analyze too much, think too much or talk too much.
- Talk about objects, not subjects. Don't get into details, keep it short.