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Showing posts from 2004
It is getting terribly busy again after a short break. Life is like clockwork, wake up at 6.20, if I am 5 minutes late, I will miss the train and if I am 5 minutes early, I will be relaxed a little bit and still miss the train. I liked that dialogue in "About a Boy" - "life is divided into time units, each unit consisting of 30 minutes. having haircut 1 units, dinner 2 units...” (I must be bad at dialogue writing. Even the reproduction from a recent memory doesn’t sound as suave as in the movie). I have this habit of daydreaming while brushing teeth and taking a shower – those are like quality time when I even get good ideas for the day – I totally agree to this notion that showers can be very inspiring.

It is 12 minutes walk from my home to train station. Now winter is almost here and morning walk is torture. So catch a bus from the end of the street, it takes 4 minutes from home to bus stop. That stretch of the road in the morning is in fact beautiful – bare trees at t…
October was the busiest month so far and I took the longest blog break this time. If I don’t do something regularly I may end up stop doing it forever, so let me keep this going. I have started some posts during this period, but if I don't finish it off in one hard push, next day I may deem it as silly, pointless, or too negative and abandon it.

Meanwhile I have been discovering some new things to keep myself amused. First is Friends – TV series. I totally love it now. I wouldn’t have believed it if two years ago somebody told me that I will like it. I didn’t like shows where they insert audience laugh every 30 seconds as if they are giving cue for viewers that it is time to laugh. It is now used as a way to de-stress everyday. If you just overlook the fact that most of them are dirty jokes and all everybody does is dating somebody or other, it is very enjoyable. Brilliantly written, each character perfectly fits in and it is just something which totally clicked into a perfect groo…
Just stopped working - like a machine grinding to a halt and refusing to move. It is a funny feeling, to have a mind which refuses to function, something like a small kid who is not capable of agreeing to logical reasoning. At these kind of times, a particular phrase floats up – relax like a cat. At times like this, I think I know what is meant exactly by that phrase. It must be like curled up in a couch, without moving a muscle, content and at peace with everything in the world.

So now while I am waiting till it is time for train and relaxing like a cat in office, let me take one line which caught my attention couple of days back. It is about ‘desi pros’ not having a long term career plan. I thought it may be correct. But then have I seen anybody with a plan? Should we do long term career plan and live according to it? It is fancy to say I don’t live according to any plan and I take one day at a time? But then will I be directionless in life? Forget about career plan, do I know what I…
When couple of guys asked me “How was Scotland trip?” I was a little confused whether to say it was great or it was good or it was okay. So as in my normal style, without giving anything away, without saying it was great or worse, I told them it was good in a nonchalant way. It was great at times, dull and tiring at times, but overall it was a good trip. We went in real desi way of sightseeing overseas ie, caught a bus (the cheapest, hardest and longest way) to Edinburgh first. London Victoria station was swarming with Chinese looking people and desis. Travel was much better than what I expected. The highways were too good (better than US), so we had a smooth sail into Scotland.

The first thing I saw in the dim light of the morning from the bus was mountains; it was the last thing I saw before dozing off in the return journey after three days. That pretty much tells the whole story; it is a place which lies between mountains. We had a guide cum taxi driver who explained that glen means…
In college, when we discovered drinks, we used to chide each other saying that somebody’s hands tremble to signal that it is time for one. Somewhat like that towards the end of the week I feel like writing something (read complaining). As usual on Mondays I kid myself that there is a plan for the week and psyche myself up to get going. But towards the end of the week, enthusiasm dies down and then thoughts about what could have made my life better kicks in. Start dreaming about what if I went to work in jeans, T-shirt and slippers and worked with a bunch of fantastic guys who are out to do something than make-believe they are doing something. Sometimes I think I know what I need crystal-clear, talking about illusions.

Started reading ‘Fight Club’. I must be very bad in writing reviews, if I ever attempted. But somehow I seem to like every book or it must be that by spending one hour to choose a book from library I am making sure that it is appealing to my taste. I took this because its…
How do people grow into absolute morons? I have completed the discovery of what I like and don’t like in everything including food, drinks, dress, music, films, books, people and life. I have set opinions about everything in this world. I don’t want to move an inch when it comes to explore uncharted territories. “Think out of the box” they say, but I know don’t know that I am in a box. Yesterday somebody was saying, “You think you know, you think you are in control, but you are not”, felt like a definition of ‘The Matrix’. I don’t eat mushrooms, I just don’t like it and I might vomit if I taste them, or that is what I thought. I ate a Mushroom Fajita today, but didn’t finish it. I am a vegetarian, having never wanted to try chicken, without having the pressure of religion forcing me to be. Once a good friend of mine told me to try, insisted he won’t force me if I don’t like it afterwards (he was so convinced that I will like it), I ate a piece and promptly told him that I didn’t like …
Missed the train twice today, so one hour at my disposal. Now they are saying that it may get delayed, re-routed or cancelled. So first time a blog post from public. It doesn’t feel like I came here two days back. By end of this week, I think I will feel that it had been ages. Got so much info about getting setup in UK that my friend KH might be bored to his bones answering my questions. I am getting enough exercise everyday, around 40 minute to and fro from hotel, office and railway station. Add last minute dashes to it, I got jogging also. Add 7 pounds laptop along with it, I got weight training too. By end of this year, I should be really fit.

I guess last couple of months has been really good for me. I bought a new car, a new house at Trivandrum, got couple of awards at work, got out of the project in which I already spent more than 1 and ½ years and came to UK now. It also had been some learning experience for me – did performance appraisals for some people and they gave me a good…
Life has gone from a tranquil pace to a frantic frenzy within two days. It is like that F1 advertisement (or is it Toyota?) which shows a snail for half a minute and then suddenly shows a race car zooming at break-neck speed. I have to travel to UK next week and there is a mountain to move before that.

Relocating is like uprooting a plant. Back to mangalore after a long time, I almost got into the rhythm of established routines, faces and places. Sometimes I feel we are kind of gypsies, without having a permanent place to stay, moving around with bare minimum furniture to get by comfortably. It must be really getting into the nerves of our parents. They say, “but you came back only 6 months back..”. Within last 3 to 4 years, I have stayed in 6 or 7 houses ranging from 2 months and 1 year at one place.

Not that I regret going to UK. In more than one occasion, we have glanced at Thomas Cook vacation package for London. So now it gives me another occasion to see some part of the world whic…
My latest read: “Jack: Straight from the Gut” by Jack Welch. I wanted to read this one for some time. Somehow my previous boss (an MBA) instilled this belief in me that books by great management experts is worth reading and he gave some recommendations – this is one of them. But over time, I have developed some distaste for self-help kind of books which advertises “10 ways to make your wife happy”, “How to become popular” etc and the likes of “Chicken Soup for the soul” (I think they must have got a kick from the success they got for their first editions, so they started giving these soup bowls for Teenage soul, Couple’s soul, Mother’s soul, Daughter’s soul etc – you can find soups for any soul now). This one has a tag line which says “For every man and women who wants to succeed in 21st century” or something like that. Just because of that line, I would have dropped this book, but I saw that line only after borrowing it from a friend.

To tell you the truth, he is really an amazing man…
Question in today’s newspaper: - Do you think we should have something similar to corporate culture in parliament?

This made me think a little bit about corporate culture. Maybe when it comes to parliament, we should talk about culture first instead of getting into something else. When I was a kid, I used to think that how can people ever be able to behave like they do. I thought maybe it is a problem with older generation, newer enlightened/educated/forward thinking youngsters will change all that and world will be a nicer place once again. I thought how one could ever be able to even think about the religion or caste of your friends or neighbors, when I listened to such discussions between my elders. I thought how you could be so mean behind ones back and say such things about them. How could you ever loath your friends and still smile at them and make sweet talk with them? I thought all this is going to change, I used to tell my father so and he used to wisely say that I am yet to g…
In Mangalore when it rains it really pours and when it is hot, it is red hot. Now the rainy season has started. Didn’t even notice when we slipped into the routine of carrying an umbrella. It usually starts with the exact same day school opens after summer. I think I have bought the car at the right time because umbrella is just a play thing for this kind of rain. It will beat it and soak you by the time you count ten steps.

Right now I am exploring all the byways, alleys around the office with the car – still not confident of taking it to the main road. It is like those parents say that they are afraid of bringing up their kids in this kind of world. It would pain you when, with just a warning from a horn just behind your ears, they overtake you and you almost fear that they have touched your rear view mirror.

I was in Bangalore for most of last week. I think I am lucky not to bring up my car in Bangalore. It is jungle out there. If you stop at a signal, autorickshaws and two-wheelers …
I was in classroom training for three full days this week. Reminded me of old college days. But this was more meaningful and I wanted to listen and understand, maybe because I can make direct use of the knowledge. In college, during some boring lectures, I used to shut myself out and completely get lost in something else. Now I can attend sessions only if I want to and only if it is useful for me. There is a difference in trying to mug up something for getting good grade and studying something to make use of it. I still maintain that we have a rusty education system.

Some random thoughts related to this:-
I attended a long seminar where technical details were getting explained with general statements like “it is good”, “it will make your life easy”, “it is the in-thing now”, “it is accepted by industry and pioneered by major players”, “great people are talking about it”, “statistics shows that it is better”. I wanted to say “cut the crap and get to the point”, but as usual I didn’t even…
“What’s up?”
“Nothing Much. Going on as usual. Usual work, usual life, no changes.”

Sometimes we want change desperately and sometimes we protect ourselves from changes. If it was like tasting different dishes, we could have determined which dish we want to have after some tries. But no, here if something tastes bitter, it lingers on and spoils the next too. So it is like somebody shouted “Statue” and walked away. You can move but you don’t even think about it. It is total inertia. There is an exciting world out there with thousands of possibilities, but why are people stuck in mundane jobs as if in a trance? It is like that movie, “Pleasantville”. Life is like a clock-work, nothing should disturb it, and it will go on in its set pace and course. When it is idle, a thick cloak will settle on the top and seal it from any intruder. I sometimes think that the problem with our country is also this inertia. Its cities maybe developing, but travel 20 km out of it, you will find same old life …
Which is better? Having no competition at all or having competent antagonists? Hard, unforgiving, ruthless competition raises the level of the game. There is not much pleasure in winning hands down. Winning a hard fought battle gives much better satisfaction than playing a game knowing that whatever mistake you make, you cannot loose. A lion who reigns alone, who doesn’t have anything to fear, will become lazy and which may even lead to his downfall. The hand which works the most becomes stronger compared to the limp one which assists. Everything which is idle will catch rust – be it brain or body.

Raising the level of the game – it truly is a unique feeling. You will be surprised at your own skill – surprised at the fact that all this time, you were able to play this well, but realizes it only on the face of competition. At the end of it, you would be grateful to the opponent for offering such resistance which made you realize your potential. But at the end one should win. I think win…
He is not able to comprehend the nature of their hate. He does not hear the poisonous venom they spit out behind his back. They are afraid to look in his eye, lest he will figure out the lack of intelligence in them. They say he is a heartless, ruthless materialist who knows nothing but how to make money, but not capable of spiritual enjoyment, while he is the one who is most capable of enjoying life. Competence is the only currency with which he deals with men. Spark of intelligence can light him up. He turns his face away when they start with “I think..”, “It seems to me that..”, “According to so and so..” etc.

It is a zombie world with expressionless faces - afraid to look in the eye, bored, unseeing, blank eyes. A man who stands firm on his feet, not scurrying to collect the bread crumbs dropped by somebody else, a man who lives by his own standards, his own moral code, not looking for his reflection in the eyes and words of others, is a rarity.

Reason, clarity, logic, courage – har…
One incident made me think about the abstract nature in which we think about the code we develop. We spend so much time on designing, developing and testing some code that we lose the focus on the end users who are going to use it. We know too much gory details about the code that it is going through thousands of lines for doing some function and we are thinking about the minutest details. We don’t see a non-IT, regular person in the counter of a shop using our application. Instead, we see it going in and out of IF loops and FOR loops. I wonder how will be the case with Doctors – they know too much gory details about the body, will they lose the ability to appreciate human body as something beautiful?

There is one usual comment given to freshers – “see the big picture”. It feels corny to say that think about the users of your application while developing. But it is important to see the one thing they will expect out of your application. I had read an article comparing s…
Multi-tasking. This is one skill, which would help me a lot right now. I got into one task for last three hours and I am waiting for last 20 minutes for something to finish so that I can continue. I don’t want to start something else meanwhile. I had made a list of 6 or 7 “things-to-do” in the morning, but I don’t want to get out this one. Sometimes the intention is to finish one by one. It gives a very nice feeling to mark each item as completed. It will give a very good feeling if all items are marked at the end of the day. But it never happens.

It needs something called context switching. If all 6 items are entirely different from each other, there is reluctance from within to start doing next one. It is just like trying to drive, shift the gears gradually and get going in full speed, then apply sudden break, then start all over again.

My previous boss (a lady) once forwarded a clip, saying women are better at multi-tasking than men are:-
“This evolutionary divide can be seen all over…
I am trying to read “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand for last 2 months - 2 pages per day, but somehow I am keeping it going. During my furious reading days (school/college), I used to finish a book at one go sometimes without putting it down even once. If a book is taken up on a weekday, then until it finishes, there is a good feeling while returning home that there is something waiting for me. It is like the excitement of a kid waiting for the postman to bring the month’s edition of children’s books.

Reading sometimes gives a feeling of getting detached from this world for some time and wandering in the fantasy worlds built with words. Something like a drunken stupor. Slowly the characters will be given a shape, some nudging from the author by giving hints about their features, then each small piece is added up, then we match it with somebody or something we have seen and registered in the subconscious and starts taking them through the story. Sometimes at the end of the story, I had reve…
I was searching for “design flexibility” in google today and came across this interview with Martin Fowler. I was looking for general best practices in making the design flexible enough to make maintenance and changes easy. Something like flexible molding material which you can change without much effort. I had read about regenerative systems some time back. Some fantasy about self-healing or intelligent error handling programs. If these errors out, then it can start looking for the actual cause of error by itself, fix that and start running again without manual intervention. Sounds fantastic. It is not a sophisticated idea which sounds good on paper but not good for real life application development. Maybe not in an expansive manner, at least the idea can be implemented.

Following are some quotes from this article.
“We seem to have a notion in the software industry that doing a good job slows you down.”
Yes, I have this opinion some times. Not literally, but pulling off …
Direction, Clarity, Presence of Mind, Care, Composure, Control, Articulate, Integrity, Honor, Honesty, Precision, Perfection, Pleasant, Open, Serious :- some I would like to have.

Timidity, Fear, Unnecessary elation, Patronizing, Envy, Panic, Dramatize, Overreact, Conspire, Boast, Pretend :- some others I would like to avoid.
Slept really late yesterday. Doing nothing. Nowadays there is no time to spend like that also – doing nothing. Watched highlights of cricket match couple of times, cricket news in every channel, made sure that I got my complete fill of the Indian victory. Today read every article in the sports section of the newspaper also. Now that chapter is closed. I am going to give a rest to cricket for some time. It is taking lot of my free time.

Before this cricket series started, it was football. I was following Real Madrid and once they were out of the competition, that ended. Today I was watching something where Pele was saying that every great team would have one star player. Real had Beckham, Zidane, Ronaldo, Carlos, Figo – but still they could not go all the way. If one could measure talent quantitatively, then a player having largest amount of it, could be matched by a group with average amounts of it. So a team of medium talented players fitting in just like pieces of jigsaw can also be …
Fridays are the best days of the week. It is pure peace to think about couple of days ahead. There is a bubbly, jumpy, springy feeling in legs from the morning (probably because of the Adidas shoes worn only on Fridays, which is a respite from unforgiving formals worn on the other days). Feel casual, work casual, have something to look forward to, work is also enjoyable, feels like talking to friends and finish off the day, feels like getting out of office early. I do not have the luxury of enjoying the whole weekend since some work is left to be done, but still it doesn’t feel bad.
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So much about Friday. I was catching up with some of my frequent blogs yesterday. It is interesting to see what they are thinking/doing, how their mood flickers and interests change. It would be a great feeling if these blogs exists for 20-30 years, then I would have known these people and their thoughts for so long. It would be some feeling to grow old and look back at my oldest po…
Calendar on my desk for this month reads - “Optimism: The hopeful sees success where others see failure; sunshine where others see shadow & storm”. If only I could see success, happiness and sunshine through the thick fog of confusion and uncertainty, always. I do not want capsules, doctrines, pep talk and other remedies prescribed by modern hippies for mental peace. Find your own way to reach there. But when do I finish my black book of ideals, principles and perspective and live by it? Why do I think I need it? Everyday, I think I am older and more mature than yesterday and I repent some of my yesterday’s actions as childish. When does one finish the process of growing up, see the world through the wise eyes, and be able to explain ones actions completely? Body reaches maturity one day and it stops to grow and only shrivels with age. But when do I see my mental maturity to reach its maximum growth? Sometimes I think I am becoming a cynic in life.

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P&P: Planning and Prioritization

All my carefully planned, well thought of, ingenious ideas are crumbling to tiny pieces. I prepare a weekly plan to get to know week’s objectives well in advance for me and team, prepare daily plans for me, end of day achievements, team’s daily plan and then replan in case of contingencies. I spend ½ hr everyday morning doing this planning. Then lets the team also know what the objectives are. This is on the top of sending them the detailed schedule for things to do. I review the progress regularly; have daily review sessions planned which I conduct in crunch situations. I think about improving me and my team every day. I am logging the random ideas I have, short term and long term action items, to improve on any problem I observe (which is sent to team and feels like it is going in a back hole). I conduct feedback sessions (One-to-One sessions, I call it) every two months or so. I give them feedback on what they did, what do I expect, which ones to…
Sometimes I think whether I seriously have a problem with grasping some control. When rope is slipping from my hands, I don’t even mind. Take life as a game you would like to play well. I can be competitive in a game, if I know how to play – I have demonstrated that with couple of them, but it is still mediocre. But here if I lose hope of winning, then I am losing the urge to fight. “If you can’t win, go down fighting”. What is the use? If there is a sinking feeling, then relax your muscles and let it do whatever it wants? Let the wheels roll and take you wherever it goes? Inaction. When it requires maximum work to be done, when it hits hard where it hurts, when it tumbles down with smoke and dust all around you, when you feel the pressure of the mountain you are trying to move is going to crush you, what if your nerves just give up? What if it just ceases to care and let it all take its course? Sleep and hope that when you open your eyes again, everything will be all right?

Challenges…
It is like calm after a torrential rain. Office has grown a little silent after 7pm. Now some decibels are clearer or am I listening for the first time today? There are clicks from space bars around me. Since it is the key that is hit the most, it has lost its bearings and sounds like a hollow tin. It is the sound of this place - the sound of space bar. Every factory will have its own noise, its own smell - something similar. Then somebody hits an enter key with vengeance. This new mouse has that scroll on it - it should be greased, if somebody tries to go to the end of a document using that, it makes screeching sound, sounds like using sand paper to smooth a rough surface, insistent sound in short installments. Why don't they make it noiseless? - I guess whatever I hear, is from old furniture, which will be replaced soon. Old compaq PCs replaced with new Dell and HP flat screens and noise less keyboards - then this music will reduce in tempo. Other musical instruments are those c…
“I need closure”. I have read that in some fiction. A person who was wronged or who did something awful cannot live peacefully until he satisfies himself that it is closed in the best way he can and then he can breathe normally. He comes back, repents his actions and then asks for absolution. Then he gets closure to his pain, his discomfort and his state of hanging on a nail. Or he was wronged by somebody whom he did not expect it from, or whom he held closer to his heart, he wanted to ask why was it done to him? I was thinking, what is the big deal. Forget it and move on. But I guess the best thing to do in such circumstances is to turn right back to the faceless, nameless feeling, try to confront and then bring an end to it – be it confession, questioning or whatever action it may take. Close the chapter, if possible with a happy ending.

Just a string of thought remotely related to something that is bothering me.
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Weekend Plans

After a long long time, I am going to relax this weekend. I have been working like a dog for last two months. I need to set down my burden for some tim. I hope I won't have to come to office on both the days. I hope I don't even have to take any work home. Saturday there is india-Pak cricket. So have to get up early. Need to warn my wife earlier that I will be busy (idle?) the whole day, need to muster some good arguments - that I haven't seen one match completely for over four years (but I am watching almost all the highlights including matches like Zimbabwe-Bangladesh - hope she won't come up with that point), that it is the "do-or-die" for our "boys" and if I am not there in front of TV and one more prayer added in my name, it may hurt their chances. That "it is mother of all cricket battles" and try to make her interested also so we can watch together – it is one good old technique.

So I am going to relax like a cat. Need t…
Should I get bored if two or three days turned out exactly similar and dull? Do I need to be more patient to let this tide pass and wait for the sun to come out? I am bothered with too many disturbing thoughts – no, I am not making this up. Do lunar cycles really have an effect on us? I guess if we can explain the mood swings based on some tangible reason like that, it should have been easier to wait for it to subside.

One of my friends (sensitive, sentiments – he hasn’t even heard about these words, but basically good at heart – so we get along) once offered an analysis after reading a bit of Freud - that my basic characteristics is melancholy. Very Strange – this comment came in between a very ordinary conversation in no particular place, when we were waiting for somebody outside a house – but every time I think about this comment, I get a clear picture of the cemented lawn with a coconut tree and its gnarled roots protruding and we two standing by the side of it, his bike somewhere …
Put a person bodily on a tank full of water and put a heavy stone on the chest, heavy enough to get a sinking feeling without hope. Ever felt like that – pressure on the chest with feeling of doom? There is a deadline looming large and after three days of limited sleep my head feels like big, swollen thing which is pricked by some sharp object at times. Something like a zombie trying to drag his feet and somehow touch the finish line.

But to tell you the truth I think I don’t resent, but enjoy this struggle. I think this has some purpose, some sense of achievement, some satisfaction of something creative being done, some satisfaction of using cells in my brain which were in a coma state for a long time. Thinking about brain dead – I wonder how much am I using that powerful machine of mine? I think since my head is swollen, I can imagine a big unused, well preserved (?) gray matter sleeping for years inside my head. Frankly speaking, today's software development firms doesn’t need…
Compulsive blogging – is that what I do? I just read that and felt shy to write more. Am I writing for the sake of it? Huh. Not a good feeling, don’t think too much about it now.

So I was thinking all the time I was walking from home to office. I got a house close to office – just about a kilometer. Also, Mangalore sleeps much early compared to other places I have been. Not that I have a complaint about that – many of my colleagues have. “there is no nightlife here”. I am not sure what will I do with some more nightlife.

It is much different place out there at night, after all the drama of the day is over. I was having visions about this clip I saw somewhere – or I don’t know if it is a clip conjured up by my imagination. if everything in front of you is fast forwarded and you are placed inside that for a moment, then if only you are taken out of that and now you look back into the fast forwarded life in front of you, won’t it feel funny? I think walking alone at night gives these c…
I read How to Write a Better Weblog couple of days back. It made me think about something else altogether. I wanted to study Creative Writing for some time now – I don’t know what that means, I think I have seen some movies (“My Girl” has some scenes) and got some idea into my head.

In my school days, for some months I had this crazy idea of writing a story and submitting it to a newspaper or magazine. I think I wanted to do it because they offered some money for it and I thought I could use some cash. So I used to think about stories and even wrote some horrible ones. The biggest problem is, I wound the story in loops, jumped back and forth in sequences (something like Pulp Fiction and other Quentin Tarantino films – with all sequences broken up, but mine was incomprehensible to anybody other than me) and tangled myself in all kind of loops. I start telling a story, go into something else, come back, say something more, introduce some other character, then go back to other – it was p…
Today I think there was a strike or something. Buses were very few and most were state transport. They don’t have collection based compensation, but a fixed monthly salary, so no street racing and no competition to fill the bus and all related tricks. Anyway, I got on one such bus. I was having some papers in my hand, a mobile phone, had a tie on. I already had the change for the conductor in my hand – so with all these papers etc, he had to take it from my hand. He wrote the ticket, didn’t play kite with that piece of paper and carefully put it in my hand. And he gave me a smile. You won’t realize the impact – how often do you get a smile from a bus conductor? I also smiled nicely back. Then he asked me something in Kannada – I don’t know a word – even though I have been living in Mangalore for quite some time. I said I don’t know – but he is smarter, he knew my language a bit. So he asked me “do you work there?” – pointing to my office. I said yes. And then he asked me “how much do …
It is so hot out there. It is like walking thru a hot oven or something. And to think that summer has not started its works yet. You can get roasted crisp if you stand still in that heat for one hour. But it is not so bad to walk out there, to tell you the truth. On the way to office, I was walking across this small playground constructed by industrious youth of that locality. They play cricket there. Some weird kind of cricket where they bowl underarm. They seem to enjoy it a lot. They have even tournament for that where they even display a trophy (complete with red ribbon and all) by the side of this small ground. They seem to be very passionate about it. They have flattened the ground, built a small basic room to store their things. One side of the ground is road, so they have put a net on that side so the balls don’t go to road often. They draw lines using this white powder and all. It is almost red earth; dust will rise like clouds at every step. I only wish those do something wo…
One day, I am the soaring spirit, happy as I haven’t been in months. Next day, I am a crawling worm, not able to pull myself up. Yesterday, I was so content that I wanted to capture the moment, freeze and live it over and over again. I didn’t want yesterday to be over. But today, everything seems to go wrong. I have slipped on delivery dates, not able to motivate myself up to do something. Brain is simply refusing to function. Yesterday I was so creative that I planned a week’s activities for myself and the team, drew some charts with sequences and activities, brought a calendar and marked all important dates. I was able to design, analyze, explain, joke, convince, argue, teach – possibly everything. I was hyperactive and at the end of the day, I got to know that I got graded at the top 30% in year end appraisal – so much for my “initiatives” and “visibility factor” – after all just working might also fetch some goods (even though I still don’t know for how long). But today I am wonde…
In office on Sunday, am supposed to finish something to meet a deadline for Tuesday. Irrespective of the deadline, I am feeling happy, eager, peaceful, and content to do it. I have already put around 60 hrs into work this week and still I am not feeling tired now. I had this small theory about taking a small break – getting recharged. I had a welcome break yesterday, didn’t even think about work. It is rather unusual nowadays, not to think about work. We didn’t do anything special, nothing at all, but it was a beautiful valentine’s day. No Hallmark, no Archies, no gifts, no candlelight dinner, no oh-so-good music. But still it was beautiful.

Ate twice at a new Punjabi Dhaba, where we are getting to know the owner cum waiter cum cashier. Honest guy, I like honest, down to the earth guys, with no pretense, their actions speaking for themselves, not even knowing that they are doing good. There are not many I like; it is something I want to explain a little more some other time – about so…