One day, I am the soaring spirit, happy as I haven’t been in months. Next day, I am a crawling worm, not able to pull myself up. Yesterday, I was so content that I wanted to capture the moment, freeze and live it over and over again. I didn’t want yesterday to be over. But today, everything seems to go wrong. I have slipped on delivery dates, not able to motivate myself up to do something. Brain is simply refusing to function. Yesterday I was so creative that I planned a week’s activities for myself and the team, drew some charts with sequences and activities, brought a calendar and marked all important dates. I was able to design, analyze, explain, joke, convince, argue, teach – possibly everything. I was hyperactive and at the end of the day, I got to know that I got graded at the top 30% in year end appraisal – so much for my “initiatives” and “visibility factor” – after all just working might also fetch some goods (even though I still don’t know for how long). But today I am wondering how I ever ended up there.

I think that is one of life’s mysteries. Maybe stars have something to do with it.
But I shouldn’t explain it away as something “corny” as “life’s mysteries”. I am taking work personal and I shouldn’t do that much. It is not good for health. But frankly, I don’t seem to detach myself that much. Over time, I have learned somewhat, but still I won’t be happy at the end of the day if things didn’t go well. Even small things will be nagging at the back of the mind, then I have to think and find out what is that discomfort. That is one funny feeling – I will feel uncomfortable, then after sometime I will realize it, check back, what is it, what did I not like, find out and do something about it or console myself that it is not important enough to worry. Like some machine running a health check.

Hey, but I don’t know where this blog is going? I started with some elaborate agenda, but now it is just a barometer of my ups and downs. I ought to remove “software” from its title.


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