Open a notepad. Close it. Open it again. Feeling shy, close it again. These are open cubicles. Somebody will see. People come in without knocking and stare right into your monitor. They will see me writing trash in office time. But I am just waiting for lunch time, can’t start doing anything, I can’t finish it. List of things to do is growing, but I am exploring the meeting rooms. One after the other, I have used all the meeting rooms in this floor for hours everyday. So now I can’t work until I get into another.

This is another way of thinking, words flowing right out of mind into the notepad. Will it becomes a habit and I can’t think in any other way other than by writing it down? Will I be perpetually writing something in my mind? Have you ever thought about being crazy literally? I have heard this once, don’t remember where – “everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.” So who might be thinking I am weird? That guy in the lift when I was standing there staring at the corner of the ceiling lights with interest? Or could it be the other one who gave me queer look when I carefully dropped a crumpled bus ticket into the crack in the slabs on the footpath so it gives me the satisfaction of not throwing that to the pile on the road? Or could it be my colleague who looked embarrassed when I gave out a big time fundae about how something should be done ideally with such a conviction? Crazy guys are convinced that what they do or say is perfectly valid and nobody should have any doubts about whether it makes sense or not. It should feel great to be that way. That might be a gift to the crazy ones – to be oblivious of the fact that they are crazy. Then they don’t have to think that others might think that they are acting crazy. Like when I write this down. Are you getting what I mean?

One of my friends advised me to write something positive. But I guess writing negative or complaining all the time or looking at dark side of life, brings out the best words. It is a heady combination if you can enjoy the feeling. Being a cynic is easy also. Read some good quotes or inspirational material to get a dose. I used to do that, like medicine. Search for inspiration for today or something in google and read something about random acts of kindness, courage, great stories and feel inspired. It exactly acts like pain killer. Read enough, you can get a good feeling for two days. I have enough juice running to be more and more cynical and exploit that feeling and revel in it, but it is lunch time and I have a meeting too.

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