emotional vs rational

I watched Before Midnight. While this is watchable on its own before going through its prequels (Before Sunrise, Before Sunset), now I want to go back and watch the other two once more. This has fast paced dialogues, lot to think about. One particular part is below.

Jesse: So this is how you now want to be spending this evening? I mean, this is what you wanna do tonight?

Céline: Well, you started it.

Jesse: No. You are the one who will not shut up about it. But if you want to talk about it, I mean, really talk about it. I would prefer to have an unemotional, rational conversation. I mean, do you think we can do that? Would that be possible?

Céline: Here we go. Unemotional, rational. You always play the part of the one and only rational one and I'm the irrational, hysterical, hormone-crazy one because I have emotions. Yeah, you sit back and you speak from your big perspective which means everything you say is level-headed and true.

Jesse: I don't always do anything.

Céline: The world is **ed by unemotional rational men deciding shit, alright? Politicians going to war for no reason, corporate heads deciding to wreck the environment, Cheney, Rumsfeld - very rational men.

Jesse: Cheney and Rumsfeld? Yeah, okay.

Céline: The final solution? Very rational thinking behind it.

I have used this argument in similar way like Jesse did (now I realize it may have been just when it suited me) as well as it was given to me in reverse as well – to be rational and not emotional. But is that just an excuse to ignore the humane side of the issues, rather than going levels deeper into issues, ignore the nuances and make a sweeping generalization – is rationalization a crutch for that? Heart decides better in some situations than the brain. Or in other words trusting intuition in some cases leads to better/faster decisions than the analytical reasoning. Or what happens in cases where rational and cunning leaders stoke the fires to get a mass to act on their raw emotions and ignore reason – that’s even more devious. Better alternative is to balance? – cases where emotion, intuition, gut and muscle memory guides decisions and it is ok vs cases that need to weigh options, conduct analysis and research, get new knowledge and then make a decision. Goes back to System 1 / System 2 of Daniel Kahneman. Best not to use this theory in a heated domestic dispute anyway – emotions need to be addressed.. 😊

change thinking

14 ways to change thinking

1. Exercise – exercise releases endorphins and dopamine and it makes you feel good. When you feel good, you can think better.
2. Put your brain in debugging mode (@naval) – “catch and debug your thoughts as it streams by, catch it when it goes into past regretting or future planning, make it stay in the present”
3. Read unconventionally – multi disciplinary thinking can give us more ideas, like something that works well in medicine can be applied in software engineering etc. Read widely.
4. Follow people who read widely – to get filtered new good reads – like @farnamstreet, @naval, @brainpicker, @morganhousel, @paulg and more
5. Listen to podcasts – for new ideas, for listening to people from different domains - @timferrissShow, @farnamstreet, @Radiolab and more
6. Quit harmful social media – pull the plug and quit facebook, whatsapp groups, occasionally unfollow everyone in twitter and start from scratch, avoid echo chambers where same ideas and ideologies reverberate without anyone challenging it
7. Quit news – cable news and print – there is responsible long form journalism, find some for real nuanced treatment of world events
8. Write – because “Writing is often the process by which you realize that you do not understand what you are talking about.”
9. Sleep – because brain under good sleep can create new neural associations and fresh awake brain can think better
10. Eat right – because vitamin deficiencies can amplify anxieties – break the cycle  
11. Break routines, form new habits – change habits, try new routines, change the systems – to trick the brain to let go of some muscle memory and inertia
12. Movies, music and fiction – expose the brain to new visual and auditory experiences, about other people and lives, about sounds and sights other than what we see every day, different languages, cultures, countries – make new favorites
13. Listen deeply – “seek first to understand, than to be understood"
14. Travel - helps to break routines, experience new cultures, new sights and sounds and make new associations 

റിസര്‍ച്ച്

“പെണ്ണുങ്ങള്‍ മള്‍ട്ടിടാസ്കിങ്ങില്‍ മിടുക്കരാണെന്നാ വയ്പ്.”

“ആരു പറഞ്ഞു?”

“റിസര്‍ച്ച് ഉണ്ട്.”

“എന്നാല്‍ ഞാന്‍ പെണ്ണല്ല. എനിക്ക് മള്‍ട്ടിടാസ്കിംഗ് പറ്റില്ല.”

അപ്പുറത്തു നിന്ന് കമന്റ്‌ “അമ്മ ആണാണെന്നാണോ പറയുന്നത്?”

“അതെന്തായാലും ആവണ്ട”

..

“അതിരിക്കട്ടേ.. ആണുങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് വീട്ടുകാര്യത്തില്‍ അല്‍പ്പം കൂടെ ശ്രദ്ധ വേണമെന്ന് റിസര്‍ച്ച് ഉണ്ടോ? കണ്ടു കാണില്ല. ആവശ്യമുള്ളത് മാത്രമല്ലേ കാണൂ.”

ദി ഏന്‍ഡ്.                

chatter

"we suffer more in our imagination than reality."

So much chatter goes on in our head. We talk to ourselves more than with any other person in our lifetime. So little of will be known to anyone else, we cannot bear the consequences of letting other people know. So we reason with us, the good part of us trying to be in control and suppressing and improving the ever worrying, criticising, jealous, devious, evil parts. So many layers of defense built up and little that goes out is sometimes by accident when we think someone is trustworthy. That they will see the good and ignore or make the bad better. When they deceive, some more layers of defense adds up, the shell gets thicker and the chances of another person breaking through diminishes further. So every act of unkind behavior causes ripple effect, within the person at receiving and denies chances for others to make up.

What if we break the norms? What if we act kindly to every person we meet? What if we always help first? What if we never defend ourselves - take anything for what it is worth and reject the rest? What if we smile more? What if we share more, if it helps someone else to know it is normal? What if we reach out randomly to fellow passengers in this journey? Even those who look cheerful on the outside may be putting on a massive show. Not just the loners and socially awkward, but what if we connect genuinely to everyone we encounter? Without any expectations. 

- after reading the book "13 reasons why"

listen

“You should go home and sleep.”

“I am listening to these guys talking.”

“From this far away?’

“I am not sure what they are saying, but they’re gonna fight.”

“You’ve good hearing.”

“It’s a habit of mine. I had eye problems when I was little. I couldn’t see well, so I listened. My sight was then corrected, but I never lost the habit of listening. Sometimes I think ears are more important. You “see” better with your ears. You can pretend to look happy, but your voice reveals the truth. Listen closely and you can tell.”

“Really?”

“Just like your voice now tells me you’re not happy.”

“So what are they saying over there?”

“I’ll try.”

- Happy Together