random ramblings

I love stories like Lord of the Rings. Long arduous adventurous journeys, with a ragtag group of people, amazing landscapes and occasional adrenaline rushes. And I love when I go on such adventures in dreams, feeling like being in such journeys for ages.  Of late sleep is disturbed and I get into limbo states where I am between sleep and state of wakefulness and remember the last bit of the dream. I am dreaming of apocalyptic worlds these days. Other day it was that the world is flooding and I am watching a building getting reconfigured by the flood that is lashing against it.  I read in bed for some time before sleeping. Following this practice of fiction at night which helps to escape, from the days worries, into some other imaginary world. Non fiction in the morning, which helps to set the mind in analytical or contemplative mode and prepare to face the day. Other day, the dream had a bicycle prominently featured which now I know was from the book I was reading. Books simul...

I went out of the way yesterday, taking a detour from our way home, to buy sugar free Passion Fruit extract, fielding questions as to why I can’t have tea without it now.  It started from a trip, on a idyllic afternoon, with nothing else to do. I used to think if we take a right turn anywhere from our place at Kollam, we would run into the sea and if we take a left turn anywhere, we would run into some lake. So we did just that. Took a right turn into a random lane and kept driving aimlessly, through the narrow lanes. Life changes as we keep going in. Sleepy temples with its large peepal trees and aalthara on which some would be sleeping or some local friends would be joking around or a football team may be cooling down after playing on the dusty ground nearby. A tortoise dries itself on a tree trunk jutting out of a small, dark green pond.  We stopped at one of the “beaches”. I wondered if there wasn’t an old church which was about to fall down there last time when we chanced...

1. For the last couple of years, I watched almost all of Liverpool’s football matches, since I liked their manager, Jurgen Klopp. I liked his energy, affection for his players, passion, commitment and the joy on his face when they do well. He announced yesterday that he is leaving the club. He says he ran out of energy. How do you quit the things you love? How do you have such conversations without wanting 10% to leave the door open? How do you have such clarity? Quitting at the top, allowing time for transition, leaving in the best possible condition, with love for all, leaving when people don’t want you to leave than leaving when people hate you.  "I love absolutely everything about this club, I love everything about the city, I love everything about our supporters, I love the team, I love the staff. I love everything. But that I still take this decision shows you that I am convinced it is the one I have to take. "It is that I am, how can I say it, running out of energy. I ...

Khamoshiyaan aawaaz hai Tum sun ne ko aao kabhi This is a 10 year old song, but came across recently and became an instant favourite. When the lyrics, singing and music fits just so. It could be the soundtrack for my January.  “Is not January the hardest month to get through?” - Henry David Thoreau Sometimes when you see your thoughts reflected everywhere, meaning of some songs or quotes or sayings you see which seems to resonate. It could have been meaningless or overlooked at other times.       The tight grip on the heart loosens sometimes, the rock that sits on it shifts, clouds part and there is sunshine and there is mental clarity when I see the larger struggle of everybody. Perspective plays hide and seek, contracting and expanding. Resolutions are like sharp objects that scrape against the skin, reminding though the pain.  Sit with the discomfort, this too shall pass, time is the healer.  Just then, Wild Geese comes on the A Poem A Da...

I looked up from the book, the sun had set and I suddenly remembered I hadn’t done my run today. I hate to lose the streak, so get ready and go out. I choose the discover weekly playlist, need to listen to new voices and sounds, going through an anti nostalgic phase. The main street is lit all the way, it has turned into a night food street, lined with all kinds of food stalls selling momos, chat, dosas, typical kerala non veg dishes, sherbeths, sodas and tender coconut shakes. I make my turn into the lane which is in stark contrast - one side with thick vegetation, almost forest-y. Moon is two thirds, clear starry sky. It is very quiet, perfectly still, no wind, not even one leaf moving. Almost all street lights are working, except a patch which is pitch dark. A large raccoon crosses my path and goes into the bushes. I had been tired all day and sleepy. Lethargy is the right word. Started the day with a video call with a few friends with whom I haven’t spoken in the last few years. We...

One of the few blogs that I have followed for more than a decade is Thejesh’s . I started following when he was in our company blogging platform which was such a vibrant community until someone who didn’t know the ethos of blogging disrupted it. Continued to follow him after he left Infosys. He writes Weekly Notes which I look forward to every week. I was thinking of doing the same, hope I can keep it up.  January feels like a long month. There is so much that happened and a week and half is still left.  Chakki had her last school annual day yesterday (last for us too). She sang a song, played keyboard in an instrumental band, accompanied the prayer song and school anthem on keyboard and delivered the last lines in a drama dressed like an IAS officer. It was colorful and all the kids did a great job. So much effort from everyone would have gone in to prepare and I am sure the kids will remember for a long time. I was thinking a week back about Chakki reading the book “Lessons ...

I had taken a resolution to watch, listen, read from artists or authors outside US, to get more wider perspective. Followed this resolution to finally blow through some of my long pending watchlist of movies from other countries with a Mubi subscription. Drive My Car (Japanese, felt it was a forced story), One Fine Morning (French – this one portrayed the anguish of the children, and helplessness of the parents towards the end of their lives), Aftersun (Scottish, bored me, but pulled at the heartstrings of quiet desperation of a father who couldn’t hold things together), Worst Person in the World (Norwegian, understood the need for someone to not get tied down or not settle, but felt pointless), Decision to leave (Korean – beautifully shot and sad), Past Lives (Korean/American – slow and confusing, the situation must have been painful, but it didn’t feel as much for me). All these were leading me to a conclusion that it is so hard to depict true feelings of people going through h...

A classroom with 4 big doors, corridors on either side, large french windows opening out on either side, high wooden ceiling painted dark brown, and thatched roof above it. This is where I could spent few hours reading “Lessons in Chemistry”, a delightful book that got me off a reading slump. It is a 190 year old college in middle of the Trivandrum city, University College, that I had passed by thousands of times, but had never set foot before. It had evoked a sense of uneasiness before, due to student politics and conflicts. One would pass under a giant red star at the main gate, classroom that has a poster of Che with the words “Better to die on one’s feet, than living on one’s knees” and the flag bearing “സ്വാതന്ത്ര്യം, ജനാധിപത്യം, സോഷ്യലിസം” (independence, democracy, socialism) hanging over the window. There were students in the campus over weekend too, carefree, some shooting for maybe a short film, helpful volunteers for the quiz program for chakki that we came for, earnest teach...

 It is Saturday evening and I am walking towards the barber’s place. It is that sort of golden evening, sun is setting, bright, but not yet gloomy. I am walking through a busy four way junction, with bus stops and shops on all sides. But being in Kerala, it is not mad rush and not as dusty. There is still a calmness among the chaos, it is still possible to think about other things than survival. There is an old lady trying to jam a fifty rupee note through the donation box in front of the church, there are candles burning and there is a girl in pajamas cleaning around the Mother Mary’s statue. There was a lady coming towards me who looked at me and seemed to smile and not being sure I sort of nodded. It is rare since in these parts we don’t acknowledge strangers, especially across genders. There were parked city buses at the stop which were full with people returning home from the city. I see a row of faces from the bus looking out, expressions blank.   I had been thinkin...