In college, when we discovered drinks, we used to chide each other saying that somebody’s hands tremble to signal that it is time for one. Somewhat like that towards the end of the week I feel like writing something (read complaining). As usual on Mondays I kid myself that there is a plan for the week and psyche myself up to get going. But towards the end of the week, enthusiasm dies down and then thoughts about what could have made my life better kicks in. Start dreaming about what if I went to work in jeans, T-shirt and slippers and worked with a bunch of fantastic guys who are out to do something than make-believe they are doing something. Sometimes I think I know what I need crystal-clear, talking about illusions.

Started reading ‘Fight Club’. I must be very bad in writing reviews, if I ever attempted. But somehow I seem to like every book or it must be that by spending one hour to choose a book from library I am making sure that it is appealing to my taste. I took this because its film version starred Edward Norton. From the time I watched ‘Primal Fear’, I think he overtook my previous hero, Richard Gere by just outperforming him. He must be an example on ‘Attention to Detail’, ‘Preparation’ and ‘Talent’ for novice actors. I haven’t seen the movie ‘Fight Club’ yet, but judging by the book, it will be something like ‘Seven’. One sentence from the last page I read is still lingering: “Sometimes when you wake up, you have to ask where you are.”

I am traveling to Scotland next weekend for three days. We are going to Edinburgh (in time for the festival, I think), Fort William and Inverness. Hope this will be a good break.

How do people grow into absolute morons? I have completed the discovery of what I like and don’t like in everything including food, drinks, dress, music, films, books, people and life. I have set opinions about everything in this world. I don’t want to move an inch when it comes to explore uncharted territories. “Think out of the box” they say, but I know don’t know that I am in a box. Yesterday somebody was saying, “You think you know, you think you are in control, but you are not”, felt like a definition of ‘The Matrix’. I don’t eat mushrooms, I just don’t like it and I might vomit if I taste them, or that is what I thought. I ate a Mushroom Fajita today, but didn’t finish it. I am a vegetarian, having never wanted to try chicken, without having the pressure of religion forcing me to be. Once a good friend of mine told me to try, insisted he won’t force me if I don’t like it afterwards (he was so convinced that I will like it), I ate a piece and promptly told him that I didn’t like it. I don’t like books which are self-narrated; the ‘I’ books in my own lingo. Given a choice I won’t read books written by women (Jane Austen and Ayn Rand surprised me). I don’t know why I don’t; I might have developed these distastes over time. I don’t know why people like to watch F1, cars just go round and round, what is the fun in that? I never tried to find out. If I walk a way twice and feel comfortable, I won’t dare try another one. Self-Contained, opinionated and dry.

I am bored with grown ups now, none of them can be interesting. Around this time, people start feeling how childhood was this great thing. When I was just out of college and started getting paid, I used to think why these guys are drooling after college life. In college you used to think friendship is the ultimate thing and having a good time with friends is irreplaceable. It was unthinkable that I won’t talk to those guys for four years. I have seen my friends planning out meetings every 5 years and setting dates like 1st Jan 2005, 1st Jan 2010 etc as mandatory reunion days to keep the bond. I don’t know whether they still talk to each other.

Growing up is fun, at least you get to try new clothes every year because you outgrow them. You are trying out new books, you haven’t developed you “tastes” yet. But now that you have eaten a piece of the cake and you are full. Now when you change a routine, it feels good. Walk around a road for million times, you will think you know every detail of it. But long back you would have determined what you want to see and what you don’t. I went into this obscure looking tailor shop in the road which I used to walk everyday, looked out to the road, it somehow seems different, maybe because now I am seeing it from a different angle I never knew existed. I don’t even want to talk about work. NO, I don’t want to talk this sermon thing any longer. It just used to be fun where I came from, now it is just routine. That’s all.

PS: Reading an “I” book now (Frank Skinner – by Frank Skinner. If you get it, don’t read it.) As usual, from every crap, I fantasize that I got something interesting. This guy is saying that it used to be so difficult to get a soccer ball from a terrace that they have to wait till they clean the terrace to get it. When he went back after 20 years, he was surprised at how low that ceiling was. And that he used to be amazed at this giant statue in some museum when he was a kid, but now when he went there, there was a small less frightening one sitting the corner. Something like my theory that the math I used to struggle with in 5th standard is so easy when I went to 7th. Just walk on. It will all blow over.

Another interesting thing: He quotes this story about time machine where a guy stepped on a butterfly and then fast forward to show how that triggered something like world war. It seems how true. What would have happened if I have answered properly for that question “If a two legged bird sits with a leg each perched on two electric wires, what will happen” in CTS interview. Somebody used to say that there are parallel universes and you get into different world when you unknowingly commit an act like that. It leads you to a totally different view of the world. You know, I am the only one who completely believed the story of ‘The Matrix’.