In office on Sunday, am supposed to finish something to meet a deadline for Tuesday. Irrespective of the deadline, I am feeling happy, eager, peaceful, and content to do it. I have already put around 60 hrs into work this week and still I am not feeling tired now. I had this small theory about taking a small break – getting recharged. I had a welcome break yesterday, didn’t even think about work. It is rather unusual nowadays, not to think about work. We didn’t do anything special, nothing at all, but it was a beautiful valentine’s day. No Hallmark, no Archies, no gifts, no candlelight dinner, no oh-so-good music. But still it was beautiful.

Ate twice at a new Punjabi Dhaba, where we are getting to know the owner cum waiter cum cashier. Honest guy, I like honest, down to the earth guys, with no pretense, their actions speaking for themselves, not even knowing that they are doing good. There are not many I like; it is something I want to explain a little more some other time – about some qualities which I think defines a man. Sometimes you feel to keep some things untouched or uncovered, lest it will lose its charm. It is good from this angle, this light, this distance – just don’t go near. It is not doubt about its charm, but feeling content to leave it at that. You may not even want to look at it later, but may feel the pleasure of seeing it once. It is all not related to that waiter, but my liking made me think a little.

Just finished Ayn Rand’s “Fountain Head”, which left me like land after a small storm. Shaken, not sure how to cope up. It is not necessary that I make sense out of it or have my version of explanations. It is not necessary that I have my own interpretations, whether I accept the ideologies professed. But still I will have its hangover for some days. Can’t stop thinking about some things. It won’t be satisfied until I give it some shape.

Just remembered a small incident – we had been to a temple in TamilNadu (big one – they have lots of them) – me and my father. I was 4-5 years old, I think. We reached there at wee hours of the night; there were no hotels near by. I think the plan was to have darshan early morning and return early. I slept a little, my father woke me up after some time and took me to take bath in the pool behind temple (“pool” looks modern – but I didn’t get a better word). It was pitch dark and the shapes around me were straight out of some gothic place. I think the shadows and trees and big rocks played a lot of tricks with me. At one spot, I think I saw some big animal ready to pounce at me. It had long horns, bulky shape and mean look. Whatever my father did, I wouldn’t move from that spot. Then he gave me this piece of advice. He said it is just a piece of rock – otherwise why would it stand in that same pose for so long. He offered to go over and touch it first to make me confident. He asked me to go over and touch it to make sure. Go on, feel it to take that fear completely out of your mind. It is one incident which remained with me for so long. I think about it whenever I have doubt like this about anything’s shape. Go on, explore it, it will surely feel less threatening and more friendly.


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