Sometimes I think whether I seriously have a problem with grasping some control. When rope is slipping from my hands, I don’t even mind. Take life as a game you would like to play well. I can be competitive in a game, if I know how to play – I have demonstrated that with couple of them, but it is still mediocre. But here if I lose hope of winning, then I am losing the urge to fight. “If you can’t win, go down fighting”. What is the use? If there is a sinking feeling, then relax your muscles and let it do whatever it wants? Let the wheels roll and take you wherever it goes? Inaction. When it requires maximum work to be done, when it hits hard where it hurts, when it tumbles down with smoke and dust all around you, when you feel the pressure of the mountain you are trying to move is going to crush you, what if your nerves just give up? What if it just ceases to care and let it all take its course? Sleep and hope that when you open your eyes again, everything will be all right?

Challenges should thrill, without challenges there is no fun, harder the battle, more fun in winning it. Challenges without stakes are also not much fun. If winning and losing does not mean different things, there is not much fun.

Forget the aching shoulders, forget the chaos, and see the light at the end of tunnel. Fix your eyes on that, let the periphery blur. Detach the claws one by one. Crouch to leap ahead and with sure steps, march towards that light.

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weekly notes, wk 12 / 2024

  1.  Watched a series, The Old Man (Disney+), primarily since I wanted to escape and take my mind off things. It had some promise - of an o...