Put a person bodily on a tank full of water and put a heavy stone on the chest, heavy enough to get a sinking feeling without hope. Ever felt like that – pressure on the chest with feeling of doom? There is a deadline looming large and after three days of limited sleep my head feels like big, swollen thing which is pricked by some sharp object at times. Something like a zombie trying to drag his feet and somehow touch the finish line.

But to tell you the truth I think I don’t resent, but enjoy this struggle. I think this has some purpose, some sense of achievement, some satisfaction of something creative being done, some satisfaction of using cells in my brain which were in a coma state for a long time. Thinking about brain dead – I wonder how much am I using that powerful machine of mine? I think since my head is swollen, I can imagine a big unused, well preserved (?) gray matter sleeping for years inside my head. Frankly speaking, today's software development firms doesn’t need people to use any part of brain. It just needs little practice – like typing. But even then India is becoming a super power. So there must be lot more untapped gray cells. Won’t it be great to get a medicine or something which can cultivate these cells a little more?

Even to get an engineering degree (at least with the education system we have) we don’t need to use too much of brain, just a little bit of RAM kind of memory – short term. I exercised that feature very well. I used to study just on the previous day of final exams. For one of them, which was supposed to be very fuzzy and all, I had severe headache on the previous day of final exam (that was the day I had planned to study in my calendar). In the evening, a friend came to get some capsule sort of lesson on one part. The exams used to be three parts or something. I don’t remember exactly now. From each part, you need to answer 2 questions or something. So you can do a gamble if you don’t have time or inclination to study. You can pray to god and skip some portions altogether and still survive. So this friend of mine had studied one part and he wanted to get a shot from me for the second part. I got really depressed because I didn’t even start and there is a big groovy text book full of Greek symbols. Then I started the battle – put on some Vicks on my eyes and nose (to fight off sleep and running nose), had a Crocin (precaution as well as cure) and started reading that book and simultaneously write notes into some paper – it is one efficient way of getting things into RAM. Write on a paper, it will stay on the brain for a little longer. I think that is because while you think about what to write, there will be enough time for something to be written in to RAM. So I studied for 14 hours at a stretch and went to exam without sleeping at all. I wrote it well despite the fact that the paper was tough – (while others search in their hard disk, I could get it fast from RAM?). I had even techniques like, if you manage to get enough material for the exam into the head with around 12 hours of loading, then don’t use the head too much till the exam is over – don’t read newspapers and all – it may flush out something which got in first.

I don’t use even one tiny piece of “knowledge” gained during those four years now. So it is feels really good to think that I didn’t waste much time in studying ICs, resitors/capacitors etc and enjoyed the years in college thoroughly.

So the moral of the story is – Little bit of RAM is enough for getting through even engineering, so if what they say about human brain and those cells is right, I have huge untapped potential in my small brain which is just waiting to be unleashed. That indeed is one refreshing thought.

I really have some hangover of Catcher in the Rye.