“I need closure”. I have read that in some fiction. A person who was wronged or who did something awful cannot live peacefully until he satisfies himself that it is closed in the best way he can and then he can breathe normally. He comes back, repents his actions and then asks for absolution. Then he gets closure to his pain, his discomfort and his state of hanging on a nail. Or he was wronged by somebody whom he did not expect it from, or whom he held closer to his heart, he wanted to ask why was it done to him? I was thinking, what is the big deal. Forget it and move on. But I guess the best thing to do in such circumstances is to turn right back to the faceless, nameless feeling, try to confront and then bring an end to it – be it confession, questioning or whatever action it may take. Close the chapter, if possible with a happy ending.

Just a string of thought remotely related to something that is bothering me.
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I saw this movie “Leon, The Professional”, some time back in which Jean Reno is a hatchet man – a professional one. I liked that guy in some movies (eg: “French Kiss” etc). There are a quite a few movies with professional con men and hit men like Leon. They show tough guys who knows all the tricks of the trade, all the tools (at least they can churn out sentences filled with C6, M5, 0.45, 0.85 etc). They have been in all sorts of situations; know how to pull off any mission. Give the requirement, they will chart out ways, give the list of things they need (“The Heat”, “Ronin”), recruit specialists in explosives, cover etc (I am a bit rusty, I am quite out of date with those KGB, CIA fictions and movies – I used to know quite a lot). Then they execute the job, get out of it without a scratch with the booty and do not feel a bit of emotion or elation.

Being a “pro” means something – thorough knowledge about the trade, knows all the byways and shortcuts, knows how to execute something to perfection and have the satisfaction of “job well done” without emotion, ego issues etc.

My breed is called Software Professionals, but I am yet to find true professionals. It is kind of macho stuff kids believe in, but the core is dedication to what you do and the satisfaction of getting it done well. That is probably where I want to see myself in another 5 years – a true pro?
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Yesterday I was frustrated by a hurtful comment in blog – I know that I shouldn’t take it serious, it doesn’t matter one bit, I am writing for my satisfaction and to make myself clear about my own scattered thinking. I deleted that comment. Why am I writing this down? Nowadays I seem to ask that question quite often (I guess my courting period with blogging is over). If I keep something that I wrote for more than a day, I will not put it up because I will think that it is too silly. So I have now an unused folder where I keep the scrap. So why blog? After venturing into this, just checking back, I think it helps to keep “the feet firmly on ground” as I read somewhere – giving shape to spurts of thought and thereby realize the whereabouts of oneself by writing and thinking about it. I guess I will keep it as it is – update it with whatever, whenever I want. Cut “..and some software” from it and create separate one to keep notes related to that (I am not getting time to do that).

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