stalemate

Watching a fisher women in rear view mirror, balancing her large aluminium basket on her head, with a cat keeping pace with her, darting under cars. They passed by and the cat made a turn to a lane ahead of her, tail up, knowing that is where she was going to go, or making a turn towards his house. We said he is escorting her and corrected that he is a pilot, not escort. Later she came out of the lane, without the pilot.

Idyllic weekend morning, breakfast of puttu and kadala at Paragon. City's running club members behind us, in running or cycling attires. A middle aged couple in front of us taking photos of everything and themselves, all the time scrolling on phone that is kept on a stand on the table. Thoughtful staff who suggested we take half dishes, some four people served us different things, made me wonder about their system which keeps track irrespective of who takes orders or serves.

Going home and hearing amma playfully haggling with another fisher woman, that she got her basic addition wrong. She wanted to see me, to see the son who was mentioned often but never there when she comes, smiling widely showing her braces.

Playing with Brownie till he ran out to play with the kids, sleeping on the couch for an hour, in spite of the noise around.

Getting scared a bit, thinking about what might have happened, having emotions which are not normally there, still seeing myself from outside like an out of body experience going through the motions, filing a missing person complaint with the police who explained their process and assuring of support, thinking what to do next, finding the missing person just afterwards alighting from an auto in front of us, trying to retract the complaint which is a bit too late now to be taken lightly.

Watching "my team" get hopelessly beaten, thinking about the decline, lack of passion or pride, a team in disarray. Watching another one of whom I am a "well wisher" fight, but being held to a draw.

It is a stalemate kind of day.

ഉറക്കം

അടുത്ത രണ്ടു വർഷം അഞ്ച് മണിക്കൂർ വീതം ഉറങ്ങിയാൽ മതി എന്നാണ് entrance കോച്ചിംഗ് കാരുടെ മോട്ടിവേഷൻ ക്ലാസ്സിൽ പറഞ്ഞത്. Tuition ഉം സ്കൂളും പിന്നെ ഹൗസ് ക്യാപ്റ്റൻ (ഇപ്പൊ അസിസ്റ്റൻ്റ്) എല്ലാം കൂടെ ആയി ഉറക്കമില്ല. അമ്മൂമ്മയോടുള്ള ഡെയിലി കോളിൽ..

"ഇന്ന് രാവിലെ എണീറ്റ് കഴിഞ്ഞാ അറിഞ്ഞതു tuition ഇല്ലാന്ന്"

"അയ്യോടാ, മോളുടെ ഉറക്കം പോയിക്കാണുമല്ലെ..

"അതില്ലമ്മൂമ്മെ, ഞാനിപ്പോ എവിടെ എപ്പോ ഇരുന്നു കണ്ണടച്ചാലും ഉറങ്ങിപ്പോകും"

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പതിനൊന്നു വർഷത്തിനു ശേഷം ആദ്യമായാണ് സ്കൂളിൽ ഓപ്പൺ ഡേയ്‌ക്ക് ഒന്നാം പ്രതി ആയി പോയത്, ഇപ്പ്രാവശ്യത്തെ പനി സീസൺ കാരണം. എല്ലാ പേപ്പറും ഓരോ ചോദ്യവും നോക്കി കാരണം ചോദിക്കുന്ന ചില അച്ഛനമ്മമാരെ കണ്ട് അത് പോലെ ആവില്ല എന്ന് വിചാരിച്ചിട്ടുണ്ട്. എന്നാലും ഇംഗ്ലീഷിലെ ചെറിയ സ്പെല്ലിംഗ് മിസ്റ്റേക്കിനെ കളിയാക്കി കുറച്ചു.

ടീച്ചർ ചോദിച്ചപ്പോ നേരെ - "ഉറങ്ങിയാണ് എഴുതിയത് ടീച്ചർ".

"അമ്മയോടു വൈകുന്നേരം എന്നെ ഒന്ന് വിളിക്കാൻ പറയണം."

"എന്തിനാ ടീച്ചർ, അച്ഛനോട് പറഞാൽ പോരെ"

ടീച്ചർമാരോടു തറുതല പറയരുത് എന്നൊന്ന് ഉപദേശിച്ചു. ഇതാണോ തറുതല അത്രേ.
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ഇപ്പൊ ക്ലാസ്സിൽ ഇരുന്നു എഴുതിക്കൊണ്ടിരിക്കുമ്പോ ഉറങ്ങി വേറെന്തോക്കെയോ ആകുന്നു. ഉറങ്ങി തല താഴെ പോകാതിരിക്കാനായി  വാട്ടർ ബോട്ടിൽ എടുത്തു താടിക്കടിയിൽ താങ്ങായി വച്ചു. ടീച്ചർ അതെടുത്ത് മാറ്റിയിട്ട് ടീച്ചറുടെ കയ് വച്ചു താങ്ങ് തരട്ടേ എന്ന് ചോദിച്ചു. പിന്നെ പറഞ്ഞു വേണേൽ ചെറുതായി മയങ്ങിയാലും കുഴപ്പമില്ല, വിളിച്ചു ചോദ്യം ചോദിക്കുമ്പോള് ഉത്തരം പറയുന്നുണ്ടത്രെ.

dog person

He is all black, except for the eyes which are reddish and a patch of greyish brown near the tail. I started seeing him from one day all of a sudden. He might have been turned out by someone since he is getting old. How did he end up in that patch of the road, foraging and sleeping around there. He is always calm, perfectly still, looking at people passing through. I looked at him in the eye once and tried to smile, wondering afterwards if that was a normal thing to do. It is raining now. Real dark like an apocalyptic day. I wonder whether he got a shelter for days like this. 

We were talking about someone in the community getting bit by a dog, while trying to rescue one stuck somewhere and taking daily injections. For me, my right palm might have been inside his mouth, to be bitten in the middle of my palm, to have the scar on both sides. One in the other arm where I needed stitches. I have vague memory of the place he used to lie around which was a narrow path between houses and I seemed to have trampled over his tail which provoked that attack. I remember walking through the wilderness which it was then, on the way to the medical college, with my mother, to get the injections. I am not sure if that played a part in making me a cat person till now and afraid of dogs.  

Fast forward to now. She says I will bequeath her inheritance to my "nephew", since I love him so much. It is the kind of unconditional love, jumping for joy when he sees us every week. Not able to sit still for many minutes, running at mad speed, jumping all over us, wanting us to pet him, standing on two legs, putting his head next to me, looking at me with such innocence that melts the heart. She says he thinks we are his real parents, that he was just left there to be looked after. He changed me to a dog person. 

a memory

I was in the balcony, loading the washing machine. I heard faintly someone calling. I thought no one can really see me from where I was standing, so what was it. I looked around, maybe decided it is someone calling out from below, trying to shoo away the pigeons. 

I hear it again, this time convinced it is someone calling me and then I see her through the window which is smudged with years of dust. She was laughing hard. She said it was real funny to see me confused and looking around. 

She asked if I get called like this ever, whom did I expect it to be?