irrational exuberance

Woke up at 12:45 am, from a lucid dream - I was writing first two lines of a novel, someone was looking over my shoulder. I knew (or thought I knew) what the lines were when I woke up, wanted to write it down, but forgot soon after. Another early morning cab ride, driver was struggling with English, asked him "ulle varungala" (“can you come inside?”), surprised myself. I wish I can learn / be more confident to talk in Tamil.

Despite being sleep deprived, was somehow feeling irrationally exuberant. Despite reading some complaints in emails which normally leaves faint irritation in the back of the mind. Full of ideas, full of optimism, wanting to smile, that nothing would faze me, feeling healthy. Feeling ok that whatever I may face, still would go through, let the feelings happen and try and enjoy the process. These are times when I think I should figure out all the parameters like a lab experiment – what led to this – what food I had, climate or what. If only that can be bottled and repeated.

In the evening, someone commented in middle of a discussion about people finding motivation and drive to keep going day by day. Why do we do it? Why do we push ourselves? I was wondering about this. Is it the competitiveness? Ambition? Expectation from the society to provide for the family? Fear of poverty? Wanting to prove oneself? It is vastly different reasons for everyone.

I used to tell people that we should learn to fall in love with what we do, even if it we stumbled on it. To know the history, present, characters, story, challenges, opportunities and be part of that story. Else how would you go on?

I read last week about someone setting a record in a marathon, running with a torn tendon for the final couple of miles and how could one survive such excruciating pain. Theory was that the adrenaline may have numbed the pain circuits and that wanting it so much makes us do it. I just hope it doesn’t kill or maim one, but beyond that I guess it is better to be burning bright till the end than fizzling out.

I had noted this in my random notes list recently - "your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.".

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Current earworm: listening to “Tu Hi Haqeeqat” for hours. How does it happen that a song suddenly loops without getting tired of it?

Pic : view from the window,.not a forest

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