yesterday

"Yesterday, all my troubles seems far way" is a favourite song. 

"Unsociable hours" waking up around 3 am for something, remembering that brain on less sleep might be like a drunken zombie. 

"Anger is a secondary emotion - root is fear or hurt" was the takeaway from a podcast I listened to on the way to the office. 

"I am going to take things easy, I am stressing out too much, it may impact my career, but it is ok" was a friend's take from yesterday's breakfast where we gossiped and cribbed to heart's content. I can understand why gossip is the reason language developed and having a friendly shoulder to lean on is necessary.

"Seeing a smiling face gives energy to go on" was a comment to a colleague, in the virtual world talking to a couple of hundred people with only a handful on video. It is far more refreshing than talking to a computer.

"Feeling restless" I said to a friend and he said "I could sense that". Easy understanding between people where one can sense things is a blessing.

Looking outside and not able to see anything, it was dark like night, in the middle of the day. It lets forget the misery of the hottest summer. What is the name of the feeling when you see such dark clouds about to burst open?    

Listening to daylist on Spotify and doing something creative which gives satisfaction. 

Calling for help from people whom I have helped in the past and getting reciprocation. Give more without expectation and ask for less - it works.  

Talking to people who are making earnest effort in what they do gives so much positive energy.

Dropping in at parent's home to pick up some bananas that they grew in their backyard and playing for a few minutes with an excited, hyperactive, jumping, yelping Brownie who licked me clean wherever he could. 

Deciding not to let go of something I consider my own, which was weighing heavily on my mind. At least for now.

It feels good when I feel so confident to explain anything ambiguous, when the brain is firing on all cylinders and giving confidence to others. 

Watched a movie, as a spur of the moment decision, letting go of some work things which could wait, first day second show, among cheering fans. 

Finding something valuable I thought I lost, which also nagged at the back of my mind.  

"Uyire" when every song that comes on the radio is something I want to listen to. 

weekly notes - wk 19 / 2024

 

1.

I travelled to Pune for a few days this week. I was recovering from the cough, cold and headache during the first couple of days, with a runny nose and runny eyes as well. Got better through the journey and healed by the time I got back. Pune was hot, it was 40 or 41 degrees. When I landed in Pune, I felt the color palette of the whole scenery was light brown, like the filters used in some western movies to get a dull desert like color. Irony was after we finished, return flight from Pune was delayed due to thunderstorms. Rain water was falling in sheets not drops from the airport roof. It was worth the trip though - to meet a lot of people, get a sense of what is going on and orient myself. A few vignettes from that travel and conversations as notes this week. 

2.

“If I get to know people, they will come to me with their problems too, which will increase my workload” 

“Oh, you are also from the same project? I had seen you around, but never realized”

Current hybrid work is a mess. People come to the office, but are not working together in solving a common problem. They are not learning from each other. Communication is fragmented and formal. It is individuals, not communities with a common purpose. Associations are by factors like college alumni, from the same state/district or such, rather than a shared journey on which people travel for a few years. 

It is going to impact career of new people coming to the industry, with less rigorous training during covid years, setting lower standards of excellence, incomplete understanding of the overall picture of why we do what we do, not being able to learn from seniors, setting them on confused path of how to get work done without understanding the right way and why it should be so, focusing on wrong incentives since they do not know what else should they care about. 

Managers are overworked since they need to spend more effort in repeating messages for different people, in different formats and follow up more to get things done since motivation and ownership is low. This stress and isolation is leading to mental health issues. Need to figure out how to fix and try whatever is in our control.   

3.

“Procurement processes are light, it is easier and quicker to start a new project and they follow light software development process”

I met someone working in Consumer Technology and was discussing the procurement, vendor management and deal consultants complicating the contracting and governance in big enterprises and how Big Tech is different. They understand software development more fundamentally and don’t have to apply the procurement processes for the larger business to the software as well. They understand the right questions to ask to govern software projects and rely on just enough engineering metrics. 

4.

“He was able to lay down the strategy and follow through with execution as well.”

We were comparing leadership styles of different leaders we had come across. We have seen leaders who are exceptionally brilliant, but neurotic in ways which makes them difficult to work with. I felt it is the basic, simple processes and ideas that are difficult to implement in large organisations and the ones who are able to cut through the red tape, keep it simple and be relentless in execution succeeds. 

5.

“Business users can create a user story directly from the Business Intelligence dashboards, complete with solution options”

Generative AI hype is at peak. I attended demos from Nvidia and Amazon and this was one of the demos - to generate a user story to improve a business process after identifying an opportunity through review of a business metric trend. It seems the number of proof of concepts being done is huge, but the number of production implementations is less. Concerns on security, scale, cost, vendor lock in and data are yet to be solved fully. It will be interesting if the experiments succeed in the next one year. 

6.

“What is the package? What is the take home per month? Is there overtime pay?” 

This was a conversation I overheard in the return flight, from two seats back. An “uncle” was quizzing a helpless seatmate who he just met, after telling her about his multi crore building projects. These status games played by the “uncles” and “aunties”, along with the lifestyle changes have made it difficult for youngsters. Aspirations of generations should change and companies shouldn’t exploit youngsters by underpaying, but the type of work, need to find a lifelong passion and finding an environment that is stimulating have taken a backseat.  

The Second Coming

 

Couple of weeks back, few of us were walking out for lunch. One person was talking about a detailed assessment done for a product and asking someone if she was confident to present it to a customer. It seems she showed absolute confidence, but when she started speaking, those were incorrect or meaningless statements which the speaker doesn’t seem to have any awareness about. I said something like “The wise are full of doubts, but fools are full of confidence” - I had been seeing more of these happening of late. I didn’t remember where I had heard this phrase before and exactly what it was. Someone remarked that as we learn more, we also come to know the gaps in our knowledge, hence when we speak we are cautious. But if someone doesn’t know at all, they can be confident. 

Last week, I saw this quote in a tweet. 

"The folks who know the truth aren't talking...The ones who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up!" - Tom Waits

Then this poem (The Second Coming, W B Yeats) came up in the Poem A Day feed last week, which carries the original quote. I read up on the analysis of the poem, context in which Yeats wrote it (First World War, Irish War) and how the phrases were adopted in culture (Things Fall Apart, Centre Cannot Hold and such). It is relevant right now when the world seems to be at the edge of some chaos.  

The best lack all conviction, while the worst   

Are full of passionate intensity.

In the past week, I was in an intense discussion about Generative AI. I felt there was a lot of noise, but no substantive arguments. I was looking at one person in the room who has spent a lot of time learning Generative AI in the past year and she appeared disinterested. Afterwards I asked her why she didn’t speak up, she said she did in the past, there was no change and hence she is saving her energy. 

If in major debates that affect us, when people who know shuts up or are silenced or their voices drowned out, what would happen?     

ഉരുക്കുദേവൻ

 

"മൂളിക്കേ ഒന്നൂടെ"

ഏതോ രണ്ടു വരി പാട്ട് നാക്കിൽ കേറിയതാ. അതു കണ്ടുപിടിക്കാനുള്ള ശ്രമം. 

ഞാനിങ്ങനെ ഏതോ പാട്ടിൻ്റെ എവിടുത്തെ എങ്കിലും രണ്ടു വരി ലൂപ്പിൽ ഇട്ട് മണിക്കൂറുകൾ  ചിലപ്പോ മൂളും. ചിലപ്പോ ഏതാ പാട്ടെന്നു എനിക്ക് പോലും അറിയില്ലായിരിക്കാം. താളവാസന ഇല്ലാത്ത കാരണം ചിലപ്പോ പാട്ട് ശരിയും ആവില്ല. എവിടേലും എപ്പോഴേലും കേട്ടതാവാം. അതു കണ്ട് പിടിക്കലാ ഒരു വിനോദം. 

രണ്ടു ദിവസം മുന്നേ ഇത് പോലൊരു പാട്ടും കണ്ടുപിടിക്കൽ ശ്രമവും നടന്നതാ. പണ്ടു പുതിയ അല്ലേൽ പരിചയമില്ലാത്ത നല്ല പാട്ട് എവിടേലും കേട്ടാൽ സൗണ്ട് ഹൗണ്ട് എന്ന ആപ്പ് വച്ച് ഓഡിയോ സേർച്ച് ചെയ്തു നോട്ട് ചെയ്തു വയ്ക്കുമായിരുന്നു. ഗൂഗിൾ അസിസ്റ്റന്റ് വന്നപ്പോ, അതിൽ പാട്ട് സെർച്ച് കണ്ടു പിടിച്ചപ്പൊ മുതൽ അതിലായി പരീക്ഷണം. സാധാരണ വീട്ടിലല്ലാതെ, പുറത്തെവിടെയും, അതിനി ഗൂഗിൾ ആയാലും, മൂളാൻ പോലും മടിയാണ്. എൻ്റെ താളമില്ലാത്ത, ചിലപ്പൊ തെറ്റായ വരികൾ വരെ, ഗൂഗിളിനേക്കാളും നന്നായി കണ്ടുപിടിക്കും എന്ന ധാരണ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു. പക്ഷെ ഇത് എന്തു ചെയ്തിട്ടും കണ്ടു പിടിക്കാൻ പറ്റുന്നില്ല. 

പിന്നെ spotify തുറന്ന് തൊട്ടു മുന്നേ കേട്ട കുറെ പാട്ടുകൾ  ഒന്നൂടെ കേട്ട് നോക്കി. ഞാൻ കൊല്ലാക്കൊല ചെയ്തതായിരിക്കും - ആ പാട്ട് “നീ കവിതൈകളാ” ആയിരുന്നു എന്ന്  തോന്നുന്നു. പല വരികളും ചേർത്ത് തിരിച്ചറിയാൻ പറ്റാതെ ആക്കിയതാവാം. 

പക്ഷെ ഇത് എനിക്കുറപ്പായിരുന്നു. മൂന്ന്‌ പ്രാവശ്യം മൂളിയിട്ടും ചക്കിക്ക് കിട്ടുന്നില്ല. 

“ഉരുകി, ഉരുകി പോഗുതെടി.. ആണ്” ഞാൻ പറഞ്ഞു 

“ചുമ്മാ ഉണ്ടാക്കുവല്ലേ, അങ്ങനെ ഒരു പാട്ടില്ല” 

അതിനു മുന്നേ വരെ എന്നെ “ഉരുക്കുദേവൻ” അഥവാ “തൂക്കുദുരൈ” എന്ന് വിളിച്ചതാ (വിശ്വാസം സിനിമയിലെ അജിത്തിൻ്റെ റോളിൻ്റെ മലയാളം ഡബ്ബിങ്‌) . ഞാൻ സുഖമില്ലായ്മ അഭിനയിച്ചു സിമ്പതി വാങ്ങിക്കുന്നു എന്നാ ആരോപണം. അപ്പൊ കിട്ടിയതാ “ഉരുകി, ഉരുകി” നാക്കിൽ.

“അല്ല, ഉണ്ട്, നീ സെർച്ച് ചെയ്തോ”

സെർച്ച് ചെയ്തു, കേട്ടു നോക്കിയിട്ടു പറയുവാ “ഇത് 11 മാസമേ ആയാലുള്ളല്ലോ റിലീസ് ആയിട്ട്” 

ഇതിപ്പൊ രണ്ടു പാട്ടായി ഞാൻ കണ്ടു പിടിക്കാൻ പറ്റാത്ത പാട്ടുകൾ പാടുന്നു. ഞാൻ സാധാരണ അത്രേം അപ്ഡേറ്റഡ് അല്ലാ എന്നുള്ള ധ്വനി.   

weekly notes - wk 18 / 2024

 

1.

I spent two days in bed over the weekend, with a terrible headache and cough. Even the fever bouts in the past did not flatten me totally like this for the last few years. Even though there wasn’t any fever this time, the kind of “fever dreams” of scenes that run in a loop adds to the disorientation. Recovering now. 

2.

Watched two movies in the past week. Chamkila (Hindi) - story of Amar Singh Chamkila, a Punjabi musician and his wife Amarjot Kaur, who were both killed at the peak of their popularity. Some of their songs were suggestive about extra marital affairs and drug use and they got caught up in a web of professional jealousy and militant uprising in Punjab. What is right or wrong in such - but solution wouldn’t have been shutting down voices. This was well acted, liked the music and the slice of life from Punjab.  

Watched Oppenheimer (English) finally. During the Barbenheimer, I had watched Barbie (which was boring for me), but kept this for later. I won’t be able to digest killing and maiming generations, even if the creator of that was tortured soul and had moral compunctions later. I was trying to second guess what might be whitewashing in the story. As a movie, it was an interesting watch. 

3. 

Listened to a podcast - How to discover your taste, in Ezra Klein podcast. Taste as something that stimulates and makes us connect with others in our own way. With content explosion, AI is flattening the culture and everyone's taste is averaging out. There used to be curators before who discovered unique content and people followed them - but now algorithms are curators, but it is not doing a great job in personalising, but rather amplifying our worst instincts to keep us hooked to the platforms. This may be connected with the averaging of everything - fashion, music, movies, books, politics, religion. In such times where algorithms guide us, how to discover what we like? This may warrant a longer post. 

confidence gap

 

“I would like to go back to being a software engineer, earning the salary of a software engineer” - someone at work told me today. She was quite serious about it and was asking why such an option does not exist for someone to be in the same role forever. This is after nearly 18 years in the career. I was suggesting she take the power programmer route, to remain a programmer all her career since she wanted to do programming only, but as a specialist, earning higher and deserved compensation. 

I am not sure whether it is because of lack of confidence or self belief, but this reminded me of this article - “Confidence Gap”. Many of us suffer from “imposter syndrome”, that we will be discovered as faking our roles. But the article says, it is prominent in women. 

I hesitate to suggest reading this article, to be at the risk of “mansplaining” or being a “benevolent sexist” (effect of being educated about the unconscious biases), but I see many painful instances of women dropping off the career journey due to fatigue, health issues, lack of self belief, not being able to tolerate or work with idiots and fight the political battles, guilt of not being able to give enough time to family and lack of family support.

My experience so far is that a higher percentage of women in the team leads to more care for the people in the team, realistic project planning than taking too much risk, calling spade a spade, much more loyalty and respect for keeping time. I hope we can find more ways to reduce the drop off at later stages.          

Evidence shows that women are less self-assured than men—and that to succeed, confidence matters as much as competence.

Compared with men, women don’t consider themselves as ready for promotions, they predict they’ll do worse on tests, and they generally underestimate their abilities. This disparity stems from factors ranging from upbringing to biology.

Men initiate salary negotiations four times as often as women do, and that when women do negotiate, they ask for 30 percent less money than men do.

Women working at HP applied for a promotion only when they believed they met 100 percent of the qualifications listed for the job. Men were happy to apply when they thought they could meet 60 percent of the job requirements.

Perfectionism is another confidence killer. Study after study confirms that it is largely a female issue, one that extends through women’s entire lives. We don’t answer questions until we are totally sure of the answer. 

Women are more likely than men to form strong emotional memories of negative events. This difference seems to provide a physical basis for a tendency that’s been observed in behavioral studies: compared with men, women are more apt to ruminate over what’s gone wrong in the past. Women seem to be superbly equipped to scan the horizon for threats.

Confidence is a belief in one’s ability to succeed, a belief that stimulates action. In turn, taking action bolsters one’s belief in one’s ability to succeed. So confidence accumulates—through hard work, through success, and even through failure.

craft

Yesterday’s word in the Wordle game was CRAFT. 

I came across a couple of ways craft was talked about in the last few days. 

First was Jerry Seinfeld, promoting the first movie he has directed, at age 70. I had watched and loved the show, Seinfeld. I had read somewhere that comedians tend to understand human psychology better since they need to process a lot to come up with lines that are concentrated wisdom that surprise us and make us laugh. I had also read somewhere that you should not take serious life advice from a comedian. But still. 

Jerry must be on a media tour to promote his movie and hence coming up with “thought bombs” that grab attention (in the first article below, he proclaimed movies are dead). But it was a good read and I came across below excerpt:- 

Stand-up is like you’re a cabinetmaker, and everybody needs a guy who’s good with wood.

There’s trees everywhere, but to make a nice table, it’s not so easy. So, the metaphor is that if you have good craft and craftsmanship, you’re kind of impervious to the whims of the industry. Audiences are now flocking to stand-up because it’s something you can’t fake. It’s like platform diving. You could say you’re a platform diver, but in two seconds we can see if you are or you aren’t. That’s what people like about stand-up. They can trust it. Everything else is fake.

He repeats that in other words in another interview. 

David Remnick: It is possible that you've probably made a dollar or two from Seinfeld, and yet you still work so hard. Why?

Jerry Seinfeld: Because the only thing in life that's really worth having is good skill. Good skill is the greatest possession. The things that money buys are fine. They're good. I like them. But [nothing like] having a skill.

Pursue mastery that will fulfill your life. You will feel good. I know a lot of rich people and they don't feel good as you think they...would. They don't. They're miserable. So I work because if you don't in standup comedy - if you don't do it a lot - you stink.

Finally, I came across another one, from recent Stripe Sessions (edited a bit). 

Craft and Quality, and professional grade software.

To me craft is mindset, and quality is the output.

If you think of anything that was built or created, and well done, it's probably because they cared and they knew their craft. They designed it well. They iterated and prototyped. They chose the right materials. They built it well. It's very easy to see when the person doesn't care. The work is sloppy. There are mistakes. It works and likely breaks down very quickly.

And I think as a software industry the past decade we kind of forgot the craft. More stuff look like something where people didn't care about the craft. We focused on building larger teams. We then made them run like factories churning out new things at a consistent pace. We validated "quality" by A/B testing and looking at metrics. Lot of software today borderline works.

But we are supposed to be professionals and real companies. We're selling products to people to buy. I think our responsibility is to deliver good products and quality products, not something that is sloppy.

Craft is the mindset that creates quality. But it's not enough. You need to have the right skills and ideas. You need individuals who take their profession and craft seriously, then build teams that work this way together, and have a company that creates for it. 

Great products require consistent, daily effort keeping the quality.

Now in the age of AI, I hope people will still flock to craftsmen (is software development an art or craft is a different debate) since they are not fake. The challenge is how to make people passionate about the craft, how to make them care about what they build, how to teach them to think and how to inspire people to keep learning forever.