status games

My reading habit (books) has plummeted. Absolutely crashed, in the bins. I hope I can recover that some day soon. But this is about the last book I read, almost a year back, which has stayed with me. It is “Impro – Improvisation and theatre” by Keith Johnstone. I had picked this up after its reference kept coming up in different places, like one of the books given to new joinees in the company, Palantir. While it is about how the author (a theatre acting coach, teaching improvisational comedy) found a way to teach people to let go of the fear and act with abandon, I think the lessons can have lasting impact in everything we do every day.

Basic premise is – everything we do in company of people is playing a “status game”. Every movement, every inflection of a muscle, eye contact, posture, voice – everything is transmitting a status signal – that we are high status in some situation or low status in others. Slouching to indicate low status, puffing out the chest to indicate high status. Dressing formally to indicate high status, dressing casually to indicate low status (or dressing in linen which looks rumpled in a ironic way as high status). How status equations change when a senior executive walks into a room. How people’s voice and laugh changes then, to please the leader.

We can raise our status (pitch, posture, eye contact) or lower the status (jokes, adding “um”, “ah” as stop words while speaking to show hesitancy, lowers the eyes) – each elicits different reactions from other people around. It is not supposed to be noticed, but we continuously process it and react to it subconsciously.

Why did this make sense to me? I can now interpret what is happening in a discussion, why someone is doing something in a particular way, how to approach a given social situation, analyze our own reactions, and can just tally any such as it is just people playing “status games”. Once we know that, then everything in social situations become interpretable.

Today I had to wish someone and say few words in a forum and I tried this trick – it says, if you have to address a gathering and start with a joke or a laugh or such, you are automatically lowering the status and giving everyone permission to relax, signaling that you are there to have fun. As opposed to a serious beginning that raises up the status and make people tense up in reaction to it. I started today with one line in Malayalam (not premeditated or scripted) to elicit a laugh and then launched into it. What I said was from the heart though.

Imagine, if an amateur like me can try tricks like this, what a pro “status gamer” maybe doing and how we may be getting played?

Read this book, thank me later.

A few “status” quotes from the book and learnings in my list –

1. High status - taking more space, loud, talking slow, keeping the head steady while talking, holding eye contact. Low status - stooping, touching the face, not making eye contact, holding the toes in while talking.

2. Status see-saw, to maintain a even keel, especially with friends. Lower oneself, raise the other, repeat.

3. Be a status expert. Switch to high status when needed and low status when it should be. Like walking into a room, don't slouch and play low status. Don't be a fixed high status always - seems upright. Not low status always too - seems a loser. Maintain discipline, still be able to joke around and be human. Know that every sound, look, posture conveys or get interpreted as status.

4. Everything is a status transaction. When someone asks a question, we first think why it was asked before attempting to answer. Set the status slightly above or below to the person on other side, gap should be minimum. Peer transactions.

5. Status is not a prison to be escaped from, but a game to be played.

6. When evaluating people, projects, or conflicts, look for underlying status incentives; they often explain behaviour better than stated motives. In leadership, design cultures that reward competence and contribution—not dominance—to foster innovation and psychological safety. Personally, track your own “status triggers” (praise, follower counts, titles) and set boundaries to keep them from hijacking priorities.

7. Diversify status sources – spread bets across work, family, hobbies to avoid single-point failure. Give micro-prestige – praise, credit, and small wins raise others’ status and build loyalty. Stay humble – recognising fallibility guards against cult-like mind-sets and status addiction. Audit your incentives – ask “What status reward am I chasing?” before adopting a belief or taking a stance.

8. Humans evolved to monitor their rank because higher status once meant better access to food, mates, and allies. Losing status triggers the same threat circuitry as physical danger, explaining why humiliation feels painful and can spur violence.

9. Don't start out in a feeble way, lacking in vitality. Giving out signal that you may fail and should get sympathy and if you succeed it is good kind of. As an adult this is not appreciated (unlike a child).

10. Give out "I am playing" signal (like a child who wants to play with you). A joke at the beginning of a call, posture sets the tone. Don't worry about the future, trying to win. Empty your head and absorb.