I was thinking about blogging for a long time now. Sometimes I open a notepad and write something thinking that I will put it up as my first blog. So wrote elaborate articles about why I want to write, what I want to write etc etc. At that rate I will never get around to publish one. Today is a holiday. Came to office since there was nothing else to do. After a long time came to blogs, browsed some. Then here it is, just started clicking on new blog and started one. Let me see how far it goes and how does it progress.

I will start by using one of those elaborate notepads which I thought can be put as first blog. I haven't thought about template, colors, fonts etc. I will keep procrastinating if I think about that now. So I will just start.

“I was thinking about starting a blog for quite some time now. I don't know why I want to do that, what I will gain from it, whether I want to gain anything at all, what I want to write, for whom am I writing. Everytime I will come around to these questions. If none of this is clear, why write? So maybe I will start by thinking about why I want to write.

May be it is one way to clear my thinking by blurting out whatever comes into it. Clean out most of the stuff and start again (I am not saying that all trash will come out here, but this will make me think about those in detail and clear those while writing). That used to be the way I do it during college. Every semester I used to think and plan for better grades etc, but it always used to end in one day study before exams. All semesters spent on books, games and general time spent with friends. Not that I regret it. I used to enjoy it quite a lot. Just the planning part of it. And at the end of the semester it will be obvious that I will not be making my target grade. So again, before the next semester, I would clean my room for hours. Remove all clutter. After one full day of cleaning, I would sit down for planning the next semester. I would calculate the percentages so far. Set a target for the entire course. To reach that target, how much should I score in next semester. If I need to reach that target, how much should I score in intermediate tests etc etc. it used to feel good to do the planning. New vigor. Eager to start. But after two weeks..:(. But I think this planning itself has helped me. I used to retrace and plan in between semester also. Before tests, before semester exams. Follow that plan for some time. So it is like trying to start a stalling car. It would start, go some distance and then stop again. But keep on it, it used to run. Slow and not steady, but. I scraped through my college, ending with not so bad grade. A first class with distinction, which is not so good either.

It gives a cozy feeling to be lost in my own thoughts and write down whatever comes to it. But who may want to read “whatever comes to it”. So partly for my pleasure of writing (doing something creative, for a change), I can write. I can write without thinking back and correcting this and that, get everything out of the system and then go back and remove whatever is pure trash, maybe.
Just looking up, there is so much "I". Am I selfish? They used to say that. Too much "i"s, try use some "we"s.

Maybe this will be my style of writing. I will go over the topic (digress), write about whatever comes to my mind. I may not keep the attention of the reader. But then why should I keep the attention of the reader? Who am I writing for? Btw, I used "but then". One of my phony managers, use that quite often. I dread that nowadays. He will say something bad and then say "but then we do some good, but then you can't always do good, so you understand why I am doing this to you, right?".

So far I am somewhere near the topic. So continuing. I got introduced into blogs by one good friend from college whose friendship I manage to retain so far (4 years in college, 4 years after college). I haven't seen him for 3 years. Writes to each other once in a year. When I finally write, always starts with a complaint "do you remember me? Why should I be the one who start writing again" and always the chain ends after exchanging mails like "life and work is going on.. Nothing much.. Still the same old routines.. etc".

after that, last two years, on and off, I followed some blogs, read salam pax furiously during iraq war. added some to favorites. so I follow them once in a while. recently came across one techie blog, which started the interest once again. I think I always wanted to write what I think. wanted to keep journals ("diary writing") - but never did. can't write in those beautiful styles which I envy. try to do that sometimes, but fails miserably.

I am afraid to read anything which I have written, for that matter. don't want to edit them in any manner. even though I can clarify my thoughts better that way. doesn't matter.

so what do I want to write? I think my wife will think that if only I talked to her this much, it would have been better. but I am not good in talking somehow. it has been that way all my life. I can't convince, console, express love, argue, let out some pain through spoken words. I can do so better in writing. don't know whether that is a weakness. maybe it is. so I will try this for some time.
but what do I write?

I do not want to let out too many day to day activities, like I see in many blogs. "I went there, saw this guy, did that" kind of. I am getting more and more interested in software engineering practices nowadays. open source, linux, extreme programming, future of computing and fancy stuff like that. doesn't matter to me in one bit in my current affairs. but having something interesting on the side will keep the overall interest in this profession intact. then I have some crazy thoughts at times which might look good if written. I will come to that when it hits next time.

so this is it. it begins with a boring friday evening, waiting for 6 o'clock and get out of office. without even thinking where I am going to put it up. we will see how it goes forward.”

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