random ramblings

beam of light through autumn trees warm on the cheek, lighting up inside feeling light on feet, wanting to fly a song playing in background of my soul, faintly is there a hint of involuntary smile? joy without any reason, like for real would have danced if I was a kid live this moment, not fear the next don’t think, just live, maybe that’s an idea “just feeling happy, don’t know why” tired of feeling blue, dreaming up all ghosts conscious of self, meeting expectations trying to be nice, acting polite analysing, criticizing, cursing and lying somebody tell this kid, “that toy is not so great”

Came across article in Guardian about “What are friends for?” something in the lines of which I also have been thinking about for some time. I was taking inventory of how many friends I think I have and why I don’t have “best friends”. I seem to have a steady supply of friends but then losing touch with them in the course of this long trip called life and finally becoming just a memory relived once a year accidentally. Around every corner, you find new acquaintance, out of desperation to be in touch with humanity you make them friends, and then they fade away into the jungle of life like somebody departing on a train on a long journey. Long time ago, when I still hadn’t discovered the “reality” of adult life, I used to think that friendship is the ultimate thing in a sentimental kind of way. Life is sweetly happy when you sit around doing nothing trading joking with them. If you take a joke out that context and repeat to yourself after sometime, it looks so silly, but you have laughed ...

I am becoming somewhat nostalgic about bright sunshine and blue sky. I can't seem to shake off the thought that precious moments or prime time of my life is getting wasted inside office, under artificial light, facing a wall cabinet or a cubicle separator, like a chicken waiting to hatch an egg. I happen to go out today morning, it was good day, cold but sunny. I felt bit envious of people who were walking in the streets - nobody is in a hurry to reach somewhere by some fixed time. It is absolutely liberated feeling - to travel in an empty train just looking out, without worrying about anything. I am having dreams about going out on a long ride with soft music playing in the background through deserted straight roads, landscapes changing from vast harvested fields, beautiful lawns with a sprinkle of autumn leaves on vibrant green grass or filled with mountains, valleys and occasional lakes - all taken out of movies, but it need not be that perfect. Nowadays my "happy place...

It is getting terribly busy again after a short break. Life is like clockwork, wake up at 6.20, if I am 5 minutes late, I will miss the train and if I am 5 minutes early, I will be relaxed a little bit and still miss the train. I liked that dialogue in "About a Boy" - "life is divided into time units, each unit consisting of 30 minutes. having haircut 1 units, dinner 2 units...” (I must be bad at dialogue writing. Even the reproduction from a recent memory doesn’t sound as suave as in the movie). I have this habit of daydreaming while brushing teeth and taking a shower – those are like quality time when I even get good ideas for the day – I totally agree to this notion that showers can be very inspiring. It is 12 minutes walk from my home to train station. Now winter is almost here and morning walk is torture. So catch a bus from the end of the street, it takes 4 minutes from home to bus stop. That stretch of the road in the morning is in fact beautiful – bare trees at t...

October was the busiest month so far and I took the longest blog break this time. If I don’t do something regularly I may end up stop doing it forever, so let me keep this going. I have started some posts during this period, but if I don't finish it off in one hard push, next day I may deem it as silly, pointless, or too negative and abandon it. Meanwhile I have been discovering some new things to keep myself amused. First is Friends – TV series. I totally love it now. I wouldn’t have believed it if two years ago somebody told me that I will like it. I didn’t like shows where they insert audience laugh every 30 seconds as if they are giving cue for viewers that it is time to laugh. It is now used as a way to de-stress everyday. If you just overlook the fact that most of them are dirty jokes and all everybody does is dating somebody or other, it is very enjoyable. Brilliantly written, each character perfectly fits in and it is just something which totally clicked into a perfect groo...

Just stopped working - like a machine grinding to a halt and refusing to move. It is a funny feeling, to have a mind which refuses to function, something like a small kid who is not capable of agreeing to logical reasoning. At these kind of times, a particular phrase floats up – relax like a cat. At times like this, I think I know what is meant exactly by that phrase. It must be like curled up in a couch, without moving a muscle, content and at peace with everything in the world. So now while I am waiting till it is time for train and relaxing like a cat in office, let me take one line which caught my attention couple of days back. It is about ‘desi pros’ not having a long term career plan. I thought it may be correct. But then have I seen anybody with a plan? Should we do long term career plan and live according to it? It is fancy to say I don’t live according to any plan and I take one day at a time? But then will I be directionless in life? Forget about career plan, do I know what I...

When couple of guys asked me “How was Scotland trip?” I was a little confused whether to say it was great or it was good or it was okay. So as in my normal style, without giving anything away, without saying it was great or worse, I told them it was good in a nonchalant way. It was great at times, dull and tiring at times, but overall it was a good trip. We went in real desi way of sightseeing overseas ie, caught a bus (the cheapest, hardest and longest way) to Edinburgh first. London Victoria station was swarming with Chinese looking people and desis. Travel was much better than what I expected. The highways were too good (better than US), so we had a smooth sail into Scotland. The first thing I saw in the dim light of the morning from the bus was mountains; it was the last thing I saw before dozing off in the return journey after three days. That pretty much tells the whole story; it is a place which lies between mountains. We had a guide cum taxi driver who explained that glen means...