random ramblings

It has been almost a year and half of ignoring the blog. It has been a period of a turbulence at work and life, a period of big changes. It disrupted all the rhythms and habits, left me just riding the change. Now just about trying to put things back together once again. This may not be the best of the topics to restart a blog, a bit dark maybe. It is not intentional, but something curious that I picked up over last few days and was mulling over. I am now sort of looking for movies or shows that are not sad, no propaganda, not period pieces with their version of history. This process of elimination eventually leads me to murder mysteries or crime thrillers. I read somewhere that we watch such to relieve tension somehow, in some twisted way. Now, two such that I watched, which are not related in any way, but had a similar theme – that we sometimes put ourselves in harm’s way, not to die, but to feel alive. That self-destruction is coded into us at the cell level and this instinct makes ...

I took a day off today, just to avoid leaves expiring by month end. It was a relaxing day and had two instances of curious connections. I did the New York Times Mini Crossword in the morning. There was a clue “Tree with white bark” and the other letters started to form a word, but I doubted whether it was actually a tree. I knew of “Aspen, Colorado” as a city in the US, but it is just the familiarity of having read or heard about it. Like a friend said one time that their young daughter was familiar with US city names by having read about them in the books. Soft power of the US that kids, even in small towns in Kerala, know their cities even though they never saw it. I looked up Aspen, to see some images of this tree.  Later in the morning, I caught up with the “Poem of the day” feed. It had 28 unread poems. I came across this poem, “I sit by the window”, by Joseph Brodsky and these lines I sit by the window. Outside, an aspen. When I loved, I loved deeply. It wasn’t often.  T...

I had attempted a word puzzle (Strands) last night before sleeping. Clue was “Sun Shade” and first word at random that I got was Lemon. I thought it might be beach accessories or some such, but none fit. Slept on it and in the morning, it was somehow clear to me that the answer was Yellow without even looking at the puzzle. As I was finishing it, one more word wasn’t fitting – Gold, Golden didn’t work. Finally figured it was Goldenrod. I hadn’t heard of it before – looked it up and it was a yellow flower that covers a stem, maybe a rod like look. I had seen one such in US, that we used in place of Konna Poovu (Golden shower, Cassia Fistula) for Vishu Kani (needed a yellow flower to stand in for beautiful konna, to see as first thing as one open our eyes on the day of Vishu). Wondered if Goldenrod is the same. Later in the morning, came across an article with interesting subtext “My time is my own even when I don’t spend it particularly well.”. It was written by someone with terminal ...

In 2024, I tried in small ways to “quantify my life”. Logging activities with Strava, books using Goodreads, songs in Spotify, good articles read manually. Not fully successful. Hope to make an app for myself someday to make it easier and instant, along with some notes or learnings. One such was podcasts. After experimenting Google Podcasts and Spotify, I am using AntennaPod app since last couple of years since it had playing history and it has only podcasts with no other distraction. I have subscribed to a few, scan the new episodes once in a while, add some to the queue and listen to it during commute, daily walk or house chores. I listen at 1.5x speed which is now comfortable speed for all accents. I recently discovered that Youtube videos can be converted to podcasts. NotebookLLM from Google seem to be exploding now that can convert anything (articles, research papers etc) to podcasts. I lost some of my listening history in August when my phone crashed. Apart from that listened...

I had been cataloguing long articles that I read. Below were some of the best that I read in 2024. The Magic Loop - A framework for rapid career growth – doing your current job well, asking what you can do to help further The end of 0% interest rates: what it means for tech startups and the industry – there was a low interest rate period where lot of hiring and spending happened and interest rate hikes changing spending behavior and team compositions The Pyramid Principle – came across this in different forms this year. How to answer a question – direct answer, summarize the arguments, detail if necessary. Not the other way around. How will you measure your life? – to re-read once in a while. To value family, relationships and community. “It’s easier to hold to your principles 100% of the time than it is to hold to them 98% of the time.“ The brand called you – again a classic to re-read. How to stand out. Power laws in culture – few mega hits, and very very long tail. It is all a...

I read 16 books in 2024, against a target of 30 which I hadn’t met for the last three years. I wanted to read 50-50 fiction and nonfiction, but couldn’t meet that too. I am also trying to diversify away from books written by American or British authors, partially successful in that – with some Japanese, Irish, Canadian, Malayalam and a Chilean author this time. Hoping to do better in 2025. What you are looking for is in the library – Michiko Aoyama (5 / 5) : Japanese translation. A story of bibliotherapy, told well. Language was a bit bland, not sure if it is due to translation. But stories of right books giving answers to people for their difficult situations felt good. Whether it is to get out of a rat race, having parallel careers (a passion project and something that sustains life) etc. Before the coffee gets cold – Toshikazu Kawaguchi (5 / 5) : Japanese translation. Enjoyed this read. Was in my list for long, but knowing the plot, hesitated to pick up. But it turned out to be a go...

I came across this tweet a few days back, which is like one of those we say “Yes!” to, someone had put into words something we are also feeling. I was thinking about this line yesterday as well. We lose a lot as we get older, a bunch of habits and moods and proclivities, but the one thing I truly mourn is the way music used to make me feel. https://x.com/_sairamkrishnan/status/1822639043206598836 I was looking for something to listen to in the morning and nothing fit the mood. Spotify showed a new recommended list as “for the baddies”, don’t know what it meant, but the music felt nonsensical. Daylist didn’t excite, Discover Weekly the same. After some time, the line “Uth meri jaan” somehow came to mind, not sure how as I hadn’t listened to this song for years. I was trying to deconstruct the reason why this came up now. I suspect if it was triggered by the radio ad I heard yesterday about Sonu Nigam coming to Kerala for a concert. I used to listen to songs from the movie Tamanna non st...

Traveled to Melbourne, Australia for work for a week. It was my first time to Australia. It was a coincidence of events that led to it. Helping someone out of the blue in first days of 2024 that might have led to a trip to Australia at the time, but didn't. Some goodwill from that episode and others helped to lead to something else. I hope this further results in a positive outcome.  A new country for me. While I had some notions about Australia, through documentary of their women's football team (Matildas), hearsay, perceptions about Australia cricket team and such, it all changes or clarifies to a different picture once I visit. Vast country, much bigger than India, but less people than Kerala, large Indian and Chinese contingent of immigrants, quick weather changes, closeness to Antartica, stories about dwarf Penguins coming back in the evening at an island beach, wild fires, short days in the end of winter, a city with its high rises quite same as any other metros, coffee c...

  1. I had been in this situation before. Getting bored with a format of writing. It is not writer’s block. I used to write an email to my team every Monday, with whatever was on top of my mind the previous week. I did that over a year or so and then stopped - felt like I am repeating myself, have said everything I wanted to say, that whether anyone would get any more value out of that or that I am forcing myself to stick to that schedule and it should be more natural than that, not a chore. The same is happening to these weekly notes already. I couldn’t get out of the slump that I got into. I think one way out could be to change the format, so trying that from now. I know the cure is to keep going, one step at a time.    2. It is raining here, almost all the time. I think of these days as apocalyptic - dark all the time, rain falling with the noise of a train. It is also the perfect mood for a tea, feet up, something philosophical to read and wonder about something...

It is going to be one month since some of my routines were broken. I hadn’t gone for a walk/run for a month, didn’t read much till this past weekend and didn’t feel like watching any movies. When I get into such a slump, I typically clean up everything. It gives a feeling of starting from a clean slate. It has been the way since childhood - when life is a mess, cleanup the surroundings. Fold clothes, vacuum clean the house, pay attention to personal hygiene, clean up the todo lists, emails, open tabs in the browser, make new resolutions. It gives the feeling of starting over.  While passing over some things, I saw the name of someone who I said thank you to on social media for sharing good music. She had passed away during covid and it was a shock even though it was nearly a stranger to me. I have the last text sent to a friend asking how he is doing before he passed away. For a long period of time, people leaving with that kind of finality was not on my mind. People move away to o...

  My small world got reconfigured once more in the last few weeks. I lost my father two weeks back. I had travelled to Montreal, Canada for work for two weeks and this was a sudden shock on a surreal Sunday morning. There was no warning, no mental preparation. I went through the motions of just packing and leaving in the first available flight, trying not to think too much. Past two weeks have been a blur of rituals, doing what needs to be done mechanically and meeting people I hadn’t met in decades. Words seem to have dried up for some time. It may not be the best way to process the grief, but this may take time.  

  1.  It was the last week before schools opened, so we took one day off and spent it in Trivandrum’s Lulu mall’s play area. Kids had a great time. I was hoping we could get out in an hour or two, but had to drag them out in the evening.  I was mostly observing strangers, if that is a nicer way of putting it. So many different types of people. An old lady in a housecoat and thorthu, being pushed in a wheelchair. A thatha, so overweight she was hanging onto the railing, joking with her grandsons. A girl and a boy dressed fashionably, girl with rolled up tshirt, walking hand in hand - after some time, another girl joined them, three of them walking holding hands like an ad for something. School groups - I assumed some from International school, checking up on someone who was sitting outside a play area, from their group, video calling and chatting. Two lovebirds, thin, must be in 12th or undergraduate, clinging to each other, their group accepts this pair as one person. An ...

1. It is permanently dark under rain clouds. Low lying areas are flooding. People are complaining about road work everywhere combined with rain making traffic difficult. How things change from two weeks back when it was extremely hot to now summer rains causing floods. It is not yet Monsoon.  2. We attended a wedding engagement function. I watched the series “Made in Heaven” which was a story of wedding planners coordinating luxury weddings last year. It was curious to see the wedding planners in this function prepared with remote control to trigger the sparklers when bride entered, cannons that shot out rose petals and photographers instructing the father of the groom and groom to talk to take candid pics. Wedding functions have become elaborate affairs - maybe that industry needed to employ people who will invent more.  3. Finished reading Book 9 of 2024, “ 48 Laws of Power ” by Robert Greene. It was a difficult read, but insightful nevertheless. I can identify the behaviour...

It started raining daily now. Sky is dark most of the time. After maybe the hottest summer, it feels good to not sweat all the time and sleep better.   Acquired a new customer last week, after a pursuit of more than a year. The ups and downs, working with new people, trying different things, bouts of inspiration, thrill of doing something new. Building new teams is a tough challenge ahead, but for the moment it feels good.  We watched a movie, Guruvayoor Ambalanadayil (Malayalam) in the theatre on its first day, among cheering fans. We don’t normally do that, but this was an impulsive one. Its story had something new, but then it felt like they didn’t know where to take it. Few good laughs and loud and jarring music.  Finished 8th book of the year - “ When we cease to understand the world ” by Benjamin Labatut. It was a good read, in a new genre that is retelling the life of few scientists as a mix of fiction and nonfiction, with a touch of fantasy and philosophy. I ...

"Yesterday, all my troubles seems far way" is a favourite song.  "Unsociable hours" waking up around 3 am for something, remembering that brain on less sleep might be like a drunken zombie.  "Anger is a secondary emotion - root is fear or hurt" was the takeaway from a podcast I listened to on the way to the office.  "I am going to take things easy, I am stressing out too much, it may impact my career, but it is ok" was a friend's take from yesterday's breakfast where we gossiped and cribbed to heart's content. I can understand why gossip is the reason language developed and having a friendly shoulder to lean on is necessary. "Seeing a smiling face gives energy to go on" was a comment to a colleague, in the virtual world talking to a couple of hundred people with only a handful on video. It is far more refreshing than talking to a computer. "Feeling restless" I said to a friend and he said "I could sense that...