writing resolution

For past few days I have been trying to build a habit to write something, anything, every day. No reason why I came to that resolution. I realize that at times when the emotions run high, the creative juices flow and I need an outlet. But can't say for sure that is the reason.

I guess any creative process, whether it is doodling on paper or playing something on an instrument, leads to a sort of dopamine hit, gives a bit of satisfaction. I don't have a set process or time, but I end up doing this as last act of the day. It may be the least productive or creative time though, so the struggle to stare at a blank page and write something might be higher. Cognitive resources are at low, having used up a lot during the day in seemingly endless context switching that is typical in what I do. Especially at end of a week as well - Friday night - crashes the brain. Now even in this situation, if something comes down to the page, it still gives a small dose of satisfaction which can be taken to sleep.

But I don't write for that as well. It is just my half cooked theory. So why then? I read somewhere that we have urge to write to shout at the world about what we want to say, like leaving a message in a bottle for someone to find. It is sort of exhibitionism, to reveal oneself through words and find some redemption in the process. It is still a strange custom - why do people take the pain to create anything. It is a painful process - when there is nothing forthcoming on some days, it is a struggle. On some days when the words just flow out of somewhere, it is magical. So I guess for true artists, it could like a junkie trying to get the next hit. To create something and get a kick out of it. Thrash around until they get it.

Whatever it is, I have decided to stick with this for 100 days and see where it leads me to. Even if I force myself many days or cheat by sharing articles some days to go easy with myself. For example today my laptop crashed and I did this on mobile to avoid giving me an excuse to slip.

So with the 0.000001 micrograms of dopamine that got released in this process, I can try to get some peaceful sleep.