ambivert

I was talking to a friend today who said he consciously switched himself from introvert to extrovert (or ambivert who can switch modes – might be the perfect one). Now he can start conversations with strangers in a long train journey and talk for hours on end. It is something I could never do – open up conversation with a stranger and talk for hours. Today I started my day with a call with a customer for an hour. I had multiple one on one conversations for more than half hour at a time. Except one which is with this friend, all the rest were work related. It is difficult for me to initiate or hold a conversation longer with a stranger because I don’t ask many questions, I will answer questions with short responses which is intended to close off their line of questioning. It takes years for me to lower my defenses with someone, trust them and talk freely about anything and everything. I was telling this friend that I go to the same barber for about 7 years now, usually they talk while they cut the hair, but mine is an introvert as well who talks only when he is a little drunk, then he tells me his entire family history. I think I am exceptionally great at listening and likes to listen to people going on about their lives until they start to dump their weird beliefs on me. But the curious case is, I have learned to consciously switch on for work and can talk about any aspect of work passionately for hours one on one with most people. But put me outside this comfort zone into say a party, I will close off mostly, find the escape hatch in the first opportunity I get or make standard jokes to try and act like an extrovert which might become painfully obvious.

I had read Susan Cain’s “Quiet : the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking” this year. She talks about introverts passing off as extroverts, acting like one, sometimes so well that no one would notice that someone is actually an introvert. But other than the conscious switching on and acting part, is it possible to break the barrier and cross over to an ambivert? I feel we will miss out hearing more stories about people’s lives, building deeper connections with more people unless we are able to connect and engage with people quickly. I think I know the theory very well – since I know that we have to break the ice and talk about everything else other than work to connect with someone (80% of a conversation could be about not work and still get what we want done with 20% due to the connect). Maybe I should attempt it more – talking to more strangers and see if I am able to hold a non-work related conversation longer.