Someone asks a
simple question. We think twice/thrice about the answer and give an answer that
not just addresses the direct question, but also the implicit imagined questions
and potential followup questions. I think it is in Gregory Bateson’s “Steps to
an Ecology of Mind” that I read that someone’s seemingly harmless statement about
something is evaluated by us what does that indicate for his relationship to
me. Sometimes we answer with something that the other person will also know
that it was an answer for some other question which was not explicitly asked,
but we both don’t acknowledge that such a upspoken question was hanging in the
air.
I guess it happens even more in email/chat where we analyze the questions
and responses more, than talking. I also think with total strangers such
analysis doesn’t happen and also there is no need to do that with people that
we love – in first case we don’t care enough and in last case we both have a firm
understanding of the relationship already.
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